Across the Stars

Chapter 9: Remembering

"He cared about them." I mutter to myself. I come to this realization. He cared about them and that's why he killed them. He knew that they were getting in the way of him becoming this dark leader that he believed he needed to be. He cared about Reven, he cared about his father. Han Solo. And he cared about his mother. I fear that she will be the next target.

The room is completely silent, making it have an eerie atmosphere to it. I've experienced this sort of thing before. It's an unfortunate thing. Having someone you care about on death row next to you only for fighting for what you believe in.

Last time, it was Falk and I. I remember it so vividly. It was when I was just starting to fall for him. The thought of watching him be killed or him watching me killed still churns my stomach to this day. I yearn to see him again. Even here. Even now. Even when my own life is on the line. If I could his face once more, I could die and be content. I need Poe to get me there. To Tatooine.

Shoot. Poe. What's his situation like? Last time I saw him, I was about to give Ren the information he needed, but somehow used the force thing, that honestly no one knows how it works. Where is Poe? I just want to know his condition. But Ren would never give it to e. He would somehow avoid answering the question when he could have just told me that he won't tell me. I'm sure he would. I've not been so sure of anything on this station.

I think about everything that happened last time I was on this station with Falk and Arex. What I wouldn't give to have them right next to me right now. I think about not seeing Arex the entire time I was on this station and the worry and fear I felt for him, no matter how much of a jerk he was. I think about hearing about Reven's death. And how Ren had killed him in cold blood with no explanation. But  then Falk comes to my mind. I think about when we were kidnapped on Naboo right next to each other. The fear that arose in my blood when I first saw that dreaded mask. I think about waking up on that mat that Falk requested for me. I remember feeling like he actually really cared about me for the first time in that moment. I remember the first time I resisted Ren. How I put both of our lives in danger and how he dragged me down the hall and to the room, only for me to see the only person that I cared so much about and that cared so much about me on the ship being tortured and covered in his own blood. I remember seeing the beam of red light next to my neck and looking into Falk's eyes to say "I'm sorry." I remember Deon. How he gave his life for mine and never even asked for a thank you. I remember how he just let me go and didn't ask for anything in return. I remember his selflessness. I remember hearing that Falk got away. I remember that sigh of relief that I let out at the hearing of those words uttered. I remember being the only one left for days. I remember that feeling of fear and relief when Poe and I met and he told me that he was here to rescue me. Or at least help rescue me. I had already done the hard part. I remember that jump to lightspeed. That jump secured my freedom from the First Order for the next 5 years. Those 5 years are over. And now I'm back.

I lay on the plank for what feels like hours and hours. It's only when Ren comes in, with his bare face, that I know something is going to be troubling for one of us. Most likely me.