Reylo - Save me (fanfic)

Part 24 - Secrets

KYLO RENS POV:

I am kissing her again.
God it feels so good.
I've missed this.
I've missed everything about my scavenger girl.

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KYLO REN:

I'm torn.
Perhaps I'd known all along that; as if by my pure nature, I would only end up going against everything I've told myself.
Rey and I were meant to end.

Ive foolishly allowed myself to recapture my feelings for her.

Of course I could in fact abide by everything you told me.

However I am not.
Because I am holding this girl in my arms and I am touching her and allowing myself to feel what you told me very clearly not to feel.

You may have been wrong.

You may have said those few words you'd said to spite me. To anger me.

Although at the time I agreed with you. I agreed that Rey was dangerous towards my reputation.

I agreed that Rey was the only person standing in the way of my loyalty with Snoke.

I agreed that Rey was the absolute worst for me.

I didn't however agree with you when you'd told me that I shouldn't love her.

I should love her.

But for all the wrong reasons.

However blandly I'd put it you still couldn't comprehend.
She was my light.
Yet you didn't care for light.
You wanted darkness.

I didn't.

I didn't until you played and manipulated with my mind and teared me away from all righteousness I'd come to terms with along those past few months.

Those past few months with Rey.

Of course, I may be delusional.
Merely blinded by the site and warmness of Rey's love.

I'm freezing. I need her to warm me up. Make me feel whole.

You didn't want that.
You'd laughed in my face.

Ha.

Are you fucking laughing now?

Now that I've disobeyed you?

Snoke would be disappointed, you'd told me.

What about our fucking dad. He hadn't even know where you'd been.

He would have been disappointed.

Disappointed that his own daughter ran away.

Ah, but then it was your turn to overcome me.

You did the same, you'd screamed.

I was trying to find you.

And when you found me,
Alone in those woods,
Isolated within my own twisted and dysfunctional mind,

You told me it was ok.

You brought me back to your ship and allowed me to stay. You provided me with everything I'd needed.

It was all too good to be true.

Then you'd told me you'd found it too.

You'd found the dark side.

I'd told you I didn't know if I still felt it.
That I'd been so overcome with the emotions that Rey has manifested within me that I could no longer hear his calls to me.

You'd told me you knew I was lying.

I wish I hadn't been lying.

I wanted those voices to stop.  

I still do.

All it takes, you'd whispered, is for you to follow me.

How mindlessly unintelligent could I have been? Could it be that I was so taken back by the mere reappearance of my own flesh and blood, that I'd completely missed the crystal meaning behind everything you'd told me?

I wanted to believe you were there to see me again.

I believed you were.

I was so stupid. I let my guard down.

But I see it clearly now.

Snoke couldn't use Rey to get to me.
She wouldn't break me, as he wishes.
No. Rey was too pure. If anything, I'd crash and burn at the site of her and beg her to take me back.

I'm in love with her.

Not even Snoke could tamper with that.

You see, now it's clear why you happened to find me. In the middle of nowhere. Without reason.

Snoke sent the only person,
The only other force sensitive person left in this world to finally break me from my senses,

To finally bring me back to the dark side, in order to create the world of  utter destruction that he so often spoke of.

Perhaps,
it was an extra bargain that this person,
His only hope,

happened to be my own sister.

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Ok really wanted to bring in the whole sister thing from the "twins" chapter. I may go into full detail but that'll have to be a spin off from this fanfic? Because obviously this is for reylo, and reylo only. Comment if you'd be interested?

But yeah, hopefully that clears up how Ben managed to survive in those woods for almost 3 whole months.

Things are starting to get dramatic, I can feel it.