Reylo - Save me (fanfic)

Part 8 - I believe you

REYS POV:

"BEN?" I was screaming desperately as he cried frantically on the ground of the balcony, overlooking the now bleak terrain.
"Ben what is going on?" I shout for what feels like the hundredth time, shaking his shoulders in a rushed attempt to snap him out of whatever it was that had control of his mind. Shaking him as though he couldn't hear me.
Because i didn't think he could.
Suddenly, Ben stands up, his legs barely cooperating with his own body movement, as he storms towards his room without sparing me a second glance.
I don't move.
How could I move?
After everything.
I inhale quickly, startled by the sudden piercing crashes and fierce screams erupting from his room.
I hear Ben screaming words I can barely make out desperately at the top of his lungs, making me want to curl up in a ball and throw my hands over my head.
He's dangerous.
But a part of me fears that isn't  the case.
Moments later, Ben appears at the door way; staring at me with such dissociation, such hatred, that for a moment, I forget how to breathe.
These aren't the eyes of the man I saw after he'd killed his own father.
No.
These were the eyes of the man I saw as he killed him.
"Get out."
I run for the door.

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Questions were rioting their way around inside my mind, the answers feeling so incomprehensible that I knew there was only one person who could help me.
"Leia?" I barely whisper, as I walk into her room that I notice, now, is almost identical to her sons.
"I know." She says, offering me a small smile. I cringe, forgetting that she and the others were capable of seeing everything behind closed doors.
It almost makes me ask myself if Ben was right, if this was his prison.
"We have to do something he's not okay!" I let out, almost none of it making any sense to me anymore.
Why did I even let myself be dragged into this?
What was I supposed to do now? After what I'd say I wouldn't be surprised if it were all my fault.
"I can't speak to him." Leia says, sadly but flatly. "It'll only manufacture a bigger reaction. You need to go and help him."
I feel the sudden urge to roll my eyes.
Suddenly, none of this is making any sense to me.
I want to scream "what is the point" but my lips are fitted together so tightly, they refuse to let me say a word.
Why is this so important? There are professionals for this kind of thing.
What do I do?
"It isn't working, what do I even say-"
"You say nothing. You just be there. That's all he wants, I know it." Leia encourages carefully, offering me one last smile before she turns away, my cue to leave. It all feels too rushed. Was she even listening to what has been going on? I couldn't do anything for her son.
I wait a moment, hoping, praying, she'll change her mind, however when she doesn't; I storm out, back to Bens room, almost terrified as to what I may discover.

---------------------------

Alarmed, I hear no noise.
Nothing.
It's quiet, perhaps even too quiet?
I walk cautiously towards his room, carefully stepping over countless of dismantled books, each of them torn fiercely through their spines.
It could have been worse.
"Ben. It's me." I say, suddenly feeling rather awkward. After everything, I was actually allowing myself to just - walk - back into it all?
No response.
I step in to investigate further, only to find him curled upright on the sheets of his bed, his face staring upwards into nothing. His expression; blank, as if he'd given up.
I don't even think he's recognised me.
I almost turn around.
"I'm sorry, Rey. Believe me, I'm humiliated." A voice whispers, just as I reach for the button.
I walk slowly towards the twin-sized bed, almost tripping over a broken vase.
"Please don't be afraid of me, I'll never hurt you. That I can make definite." Ben whispers, his voice sounding wounded by the sudden angst and realisation of what he's done.
What he may be capable of doing.
I sit beside him, my feet still attached firmly to the ground beside me.
I can almost feel my body screaming at me to run away.
I remember that Leia is watching.
"I get lonely. With all these years I've spent imprisoned inside my own mind, everything just builds up. The pain, the guilty, the anger, everything." Ben continues, his voice almost broken.
"Everything and nothing currently haunts me, Rey." He finishes, pulling me closer to him slowly, as if he's afraid I might run. Afraid I may reject him.
Reluctantly, I find my head buried into his shoulder and I nestle into him.
This doesn't feel right.
Yet it feels like everything.
"You couldn't even begin to imagine the things I've witnessed. It pains me to remember my association with it all." He says ruefully.
"Ben you can't change your past." I say, quietly. "You can't ignore it forever. I know that. You think I don't miss my parents? Of course I do. But I had to stop worrying. I had to get over it. In order for you to do that you must learn from it first, that; you must do alone."
I'm extremely close to him now, close enough to feel his heart pounding rapidly against his chest, almost vibrating everything within his touch.
"I'm aware." He says dimly.
But are you? Is what I stop myself from saying, too paralysed by this moment. The way he holds me, as if he is intent on never letting go, almost makes me forget about everything.
It's almost too good to be true.
He tilts his head around to meet my gaze. His expression is barely readable.
I realise I hadn't ever noticed the colour of his eyes, which were a deep dark brown.
I'd only ever seen them as black.
I'd only ever seen him as black.
"I know you think I'm incapable of making any change for myself, Rey." Ben says, breaking the silence.
I find myself suddenly free of my thoughts and I pause, feeling foolish.
How could he possibly change if he thinks that I don't believe in him?
He's made very clear that he only cares for my opinion so surely I should be saying the right things? The things that I should have said right from the start?
The things I was told to say.
"I believe you might change." I admit, slowly.
"So long as you believe that, Rey; I'll make it my mission." Ben promises, turning towards me and planting one innocent kiss upon my forehead.
"I believe you."

And in that moment, I did.

Okay this chapter was a little weird I'm not in a great state of mind but I tried to make it understandable and hopefully relevant. I really hope the transition in who Ben is as a person form what he was, is starting to come across. The next chapter I promise I'll start making more intimate and happier scenes. I just wanted to create this as sort of a link so it makes sense. I hate rushing.

Remember to vote although I have no idea what it does(': and comment any ideas I could take on board !  I'm currently writing my new chapter now !