My chest tightens
I feel the familiar
Constricting plunge
Of pain surge through
My heart, the
Constant trickle
Of warm tears
Threatening to
Spill and spread
Far and wide
It's stronger
It hurts me
Stabbing me constantly
As if I had
Purposely ran into
A cactus,
Scratching up
My chest with
It's sharp spines
Over and over
I tell myself
Day after day
That I can do it
That I'm strong
That I can be cool about everything
That I don't have to worry
About anything because
I know for a fact
That I'm right
But I crumble
And fall like a sheet
Of cast iron
Everyday, I get home
And ask myself the
Same questions I had
Been asking myself
Months before
We had hope
And everyday I
Lay in bed
And weep for my
Future, for my
Present, and
In light of my past
I dream feverishly
Twisting and turning
Replaying the
Same euphoric
Memories over
And over until I
Can't feel my body
Anymore, until
I can't feel my skin
My heart, my lungs
Until I'm numb
Everyday I play
Increasingly outrageous
Scenarios in my mind
I'm growing worse
As the weeks go by
I've become desperate
I've become frantic
For any sort of
Affection, and when
I get little, I
Question my significance
I'm sorry I'm clingy
I'm sorry I may be annoying
I'm sorry I'm hopeless
I'm sorry I'm easily pleased
I'm sorry
But I won't apologize
For hurting because
Of how much I
Miss your touch, your
Embarrassed face,
Your awkward laugh
Your attempts at being dominant
Your success at being dominant
I miss all of that and more
I hate this
But I can't do anything about it
And because of that
I curl tighter
And fall deeper
Into a heavy daze
My mind filled with
Past hormone-filled events
When I felt truly comfortable
When I felt accepted
When I felt alive
YOU ARE READING
constantly blooming.
Poetry'i will never stop blooming, like an eternal rose of flame... i may have my times of smolder and small sparks, but i will always become a huge inferno in the end... and nothing can stop me.' Collection of poetry and prose between the ages of 10-15...
