constantly blooming.

/\(vent)/\

why

why

why

why am i so alone

why can't i find anyone

when everyone around me is so happy

so happy with their one

heck, one of friends is getting married

she's barely eighteen

married

meanwhile, i have no one

oh, i've tried

apparently i'm not desperate enough

apparently i don't have low enough standards

apparently i'm ugly

or fat

or whatever the cool kids are calling it these days

clearly no one likes me

it's obvious

look at the way they look at me

full of masked sympathy

it makes me sick

i hate it when they aren't honest

i get it, i'm domineering

but be a little bit self-confident, will you?

i hate that too

when people hate themselves

and they have nothing to hate themselves for

they're perfect

and i'm not

i'm no where near perfect

look at my virgin lips

clearly there is something missing

maybe people think i'm unstable

or think i'm strange

or over-exuberant

 or overly happy

or something dumb

i hate when people judge others for something they can't control

i hate it when people judge themselves

i hate myself

... but i don't hate her

or him or her or her or him or her

i don't hate any of them

but they don't like me

why?

i'm so nice

i'm so kind

i'm so positive

so optimistic

so caring

am i not what people want in a lover?

am i not up to your standards?

do i have to make it casual?

is that what it is?

afraid of commitment?

i see

i get it

no i don't

but i'll pretend i do

i love her

and him and her and her and him and her

but mostly her

she's so polite