Without You There Is No Me - Sequel to Perrentes Mpreg

Chapter 10

Tony POV-

My eyes fluttered open slowly and my head was spinning from this horrendous headache I had. I felt so sick, but I knew I had to continue taking my medication or I'd be locked away with my thoughts again. I hated taking my tablets though, even if they did work on keeping me from hurting myself or doing thing I'd soon regret. I didn't really want to tell the guys about my depression returning as I knew they'd start asking questions that I didn't want to answer. 

After Mike and I had broken up, I went into a dark mind set that nobody cared about me and I would never have children. It hurt so much and I just wanted it all to end. I had no one to talk to about my problems and even if I did, nobody would have cared until it was too late. So one night I took the blade to my thighs and slashed as deep as I could. During the time I was laying in the bathroom after it had happened, I was crying and practically beating myself up over everything that had gone wrong. Everything was a disaster and it's all my fault... I couldn't defend myself against Mark when he attacked me.. I wasn't strong enough to carry any of the other babies for a more than a few months. I was weak.. that's all I was..

When I'd passed out, Jaime had tried calling me but when I didn't pick up, he came over to check on me. When I was in the hospital I made him swear to me that he'd never breathe a word of it to anyone, especially Mike. It's not like he didn't know that I cut, I'd done it once while we were together just after the incident where he hit me.. 

I'd gone back to my medication before getting out of hospital and have been on it ever since. But my health had greatly deteriorated from taking them, I would throw up a lot, my stomach would cramp at the worst times but I guess it's something I should have gotten  use to by now. 

I sighed to myself and wiped away some tears that were running down my cheeks before pulling back the curtains of the bunk. I slowly removed Mike's arm from around me and slid out of the bunk, pulling on my boxers and some black skinny jeans with a white tank top before heading to the kitchen. Jaime was watching a stupid video on his phone, judging by how hard he was laughing even with a mouth full of cereal.

I rolled my eyes, smiling to myself and grabbed a bottle of water before sitting down beside him. Once I did though, he turned his full attention towards me, "Morning Tone" he said quietly, tapping the spoon against the bowl on the table. 

"Is everything alright?" I asked, noticing how he wasn't his usual happy self.

"Yeah, yeah.. just wondering about you and Mike. I wouldn't have taken you out if I knew you was dating him.. So I'm sorry about that.." he looked down before I placed my hand on his shoulder. 

"We're not dating, he just got jealous.. It was a one time thing" I told him and sighed softly.  But was it? I don't even know myself..

"Oh.. That's good. He didn't hurt you, did he?" Jaime asked, giving me a more serious look than I was use to from him.

"No, he's not like that anymore. Don't worry.." I gave him the best reassuring smile I could. Only close friends knew about the incident with Mike hitting me since he openly admitted to doing it after we broke up. Vic had to hold Kellin back from punching Mike and breaking his teeth. It was a horrible situation, but I guess I'm over it now. I still think about it obviously, but I don't think he'd do it again..

"Jaime.. Can I ask you a question..?" I said after there was some silence between us. 

"Sure~" he replied back with a smile lighting up his face again.

"Have you and Vic been.. together..? If you catch my drift" I said kind of awkwardly as I glanced into Jaime's eyes looking for any sort of clue to what was going through his head.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. A few days ago, I found Vic crying in the back of the bus because apparently Kellin doesn't know if he wants to be with him anymore. I could see it had crushed him and I wanted to help, so I held him for a little while then I kissed him and I tried to apologise, but he kissed me and one thing led to another" he shrugged his shoulders, letting out a small laugh. 

I never thought Kellin would fall out of love with Vic. He was head over heels for him and now their marriage may be ending over this. I should do something to help... but I'd just make things a lot worse as usual.

"Do you like Vic..?" I asked after some more silence had passed.

"I have a girlfriend too, Tony. What me and Vic has is hard to explain. We're both going through difficult times in our relationships and this is just kind of a release and an escape from it all. That probably sounds crazy though.." he let out a small sigh before he stood up.

"Not at all, You both deserve to be happy.. Just please be careful" I told him and he gave me a nod before patting me on the shoulder as he walked through to the bunk rooms. 

I can't wait to get this tour out of the way.. I just want to go home and relax.. A few more months and I'll be back to my lonely apartment again.. 

I sighed loudly and pushed myself off the chair I was sitting on and walked to the small bathroom, grabbing my pills from the cabinet and swallowed two of them. I glanced at myself in the large mirror and brushed some hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. I bit my lip before slowly pulling up my shirt and staring at the flat stomach in the reflection of the mirror. 

"I-I miss you..." I whispered to myself as tears ran over my cheeks slowly. I just wanted my little boy, that's all I ever wanted.. 

"Tony" I heard from behind me and I quickly turned my head back to see Mike leaning against the door frame, staring at me.

Shit...

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