Moving On (BoyxBoy) UNEDITED

Chapter three

So this chapter is being dedicated to Randomlily for all of her comments and such on the previous story. And cause she's a vampire xP (comment joke thingy) but yeahh so here it is....

Grieving, the internal hurt and pain you feel. Everyone goes through it at some point, but most people don't hide it like I do. My pain is my own and no one else will ever know what it feels like. Other may call it survivor's guilt. If I had been there a few minutes sooner I could have stopped her, saved her. I can see it, she would be standing next to me thanking me for saving her life. She would eventually remember our love, and come running right back to my arms were she belonged. I looked down at my arms, were she fit so perfectly all those years ago. Sighing I opened the door to Jake's house. Quickly I slammed the door shut and bolted, these images will never get out of my head. I really didn't need to see that. I ran into my car and sped off down the street, not caring to look where I was heading. I just left. I had to leave. I headed home, quietly parking the car and creeping around to the back side of my house.

Using the emergency ladder I climbed into my room, grabbing only what I would need for clothes and all my money I had saved up. I scribbled down a note for my mom and dad; basically saying I can't do this anymore. I'm leave, I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll keep in touch I promise. Snuck back out to my car, throwing my clothes in the back seat, glad that I had just filled up my tank, and headed out on a road trip. This gave me a lot of time to think, and time to get over Zoey without all the hurtful reminders, and the even more hurtful events that just happened.

Jake has never let me down before, but I guess there's a first time for everything. It was just the other day that he was telling me how no matter what he would always be there for me. Especially now that Zoey was gone. It still hurts to know that he waited until now to hurt me like this. The one time I ask him to please not make plans in case I needed him after going to Zoey's funeral is the one time he decides to get funky with a girl. I can't believe he would do that to me, to our friendship. It might not have affected me as much if I had never been bi and if Jake and I never dated. We were together for a year and nine month before we decided that we should take a break, he said that the day I told him about Zoey. But that was a year ago, I still miss it, I miss holding him in my arms, he almost fit as perfectly as Zoey did. But he does fit in my arms more than Melody. I feel like I just lost him too. Maybe he never really did care about me. Maybe he just used me as an experiment. I guess it doesn't matter know since I'm leaving and all.

I still can't believe that I won't ever be able to see her smiling face again. Her smile made her look so much more beautiful. I can't believe that her aunt and uncle didn't even come to her funeral. I mean seriously I don't care if it ruins your reputation you need to go to your niece's funeral. How will I ever really move on if she's everywhere I look? I still wake up in the morning and expect her to be in school, telling me to back off. It's been days since I've smiled, since I've felt truly happy. Everyone thinks I'm fine because they can't see through my mask. Even my parents think that I'm fine, that I'm past my grieving. But they don't see what I feel on the inside. I feel like I'm dying, like I've fallen into a hole with now way out. Everyone thinks I've moved on, but how can I forget someone who was so perfect. Who I only have memories of now. Memories that she'll never know. A love that she has long forgotten, with a boy who fault it was.

I drove from Moose Pass Alaska to somewhere in Canada; I probably should have been paying more attention to the signs then blabbering to you about my life. Or paid more attention in my geography class. Either way I'm still lost, I wanted to go to California which is south from here. So I'll just take the next exit south and see where that leads me. Not that it really matters at this point because no one's out looking for me. After hours of driving I finally decided to stop. I think I'm closer to the border now, but I'm still not sure. A little dirty motel was right behind an abandoned gas station, I guess it would have to do for the night. I walked into the lobby with a slight wobble in my step, probably looking like a drunk.