Moving On (BoyxBoy) UNEDITED

chapter nineteen

Don't kill me because it had to happen. Okay well it didn't but it seemed fitting. Anyway this one goes out to my newest fan, fan number eleven :D sunseto thank you for fanning me it means a lot :)

Jakes POV

I saw it on the news, Axel's injuries Zander's heroic deeds; it just made this so much harder. In the few days I've known Axel I've seemingly falling for him, but I can't deny my love for Zander and the fact he helped Axel out just makes me love him so much more. I knew I would have to make the decision of a life time by choosing between them. Either way I could end up happy, either way I could be hurt but both will bring me down different roads and change me.

I currently was at that the hospitable, unable to decide who I would go visit first. I didn't want to lead either of them on but I couldn't help but want to hug and kiss them both at this moment. I would have to restrain myself from all possible urges I may have, however hard that will be. But I'm sure it's for the best, it will end all the hurt that one of them would feel in the end if they didn't know. But Zander tends to see right through me. I can't let him know how I'm feeling, it would break him and he would waste all of his energy trying to convince me to be with him.

I continued to pace up and down the hallway unsure of who to see, paramedics went racing by me. I paid no notice; I had already been told that both Axel and Zander were in great condition. There was no need to get flustered of them doing their job. My internal debate went on. Zander, Axel. Axel, Zander. Me.  Zander, Me. Axel, Me. Both at once?

Okay that's selfish and stupid, but polygamy doesn't sound that bad. It's illegal in most states, but still you get the best of both worlds. I mean sure it would hurt them every time I choose the other one but at least I would be with both of them. In the long run it would probably hurt them less, and we could have some amazing threesomes.

Don't judge, every teenage boy in this position would have thought of that. God, when did I turn into such a hormonal teenager?  This is wasting my time, visiting hours are ticking by and I still haven't decided who I should visit first.

Maybe I should see Zander first, since I've known him longer and we have more of a connection and friendship. But then I would have to leave him early to go see Axel and that would probably piss him off and he's scary when he gets mad.  But it would also make him jealous which might work to my advantage. But he would also think that he's won and I want to be back with him and I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

So maybe I should go see Axel first, I mean I doubt he'll take it the wrong way. If anything I imagine him to be more understanding. Besides I feel kind of guilty that he was there for so long. I mean if I hadn't have unloaded my whole story onto him he might have been gone long before that person came after him. Plus his room in closer and I'm not sure if I'm ready to face Zander after what happened the last time.

So Axel it was I guess. I turned to walk down the hallway determined to make the most of my time tonight with the both of them. I had about an hour and a half to visit each before visiting hours closed and I had to head home. Who knows what would happen in the upcoming three hours, maybe I would find the answer I've been looking for. Maybe I wouldn't but I wasn't going to let anything else get in my way from making sure that they were okay.

I continued down the hallway, looking at numbers as I flew by. Room three hundred and ninety four, it wouldn't be too far from here, I'm sure I was only a few doors away. I saw the paramedics from earlier leave a room looking dejected.  Something must have went wrong. But I didn't dwell on that thought for long, I kept moving forward eyes searching.

I glanced over at the room that they came out of and my heart dropped, there had to be some kind of mistake. This was some cruel joke that the world was playing on me, but it wasn't, Axel was dead.

 Dead before I even got to see him. He died alone because of my indecisiveness. I wasn't with him for my own selfish reasons.  If it wasn't for me he would have been alive. He could have been up and doing whatever it was he wanted right now, instead he's dead. I practically killed him. I might as well have been the one to shot him, to beat him down. It was all my fault anyways. I might as well be convicted for it. But instead I'm standing here crying like a baby. It won't help, I know it won't, nothing can bring him back. The paramedics I ignored tried.

A new sense of guilt flooded me and I ran away from the scene, ran from the guilt.