strange love - n.h.

30. Tears, Choices and Cartoons

 

But most of it had been horrible to read. Most of the fans of course assumed what seemed the most obvious - that I was cheating on Demi. And the pictures had indeed ignited the fire - there were so many. Of me holding her hand. Hugging her. Kissing her head. Etwinning fingers.

 

“The question is what do we do now? I say we let Niall decide himself. I don’t really get how this even concerns us - sure it might affect the band. But there is more to life than just singing - being in a band - making sure the fans like you. Niall gave up something a lot more precious in order for us to gain popularity,” Louis was talking about the fake relationship I had agreed to, “this is a question about Niall’s personal life, which is much more important than his job.”

 

Louis had looked around the room as he had spoken with certainty in his voice. My heart felt heavy in my chest. At the same time as I was forever grateful for him saying this - it was also kind of terrifying having to stand with the choice alone. No matter what I did I would end up hurting the people I loved the most in this world. I closed my eyes trying not to break down or throwing up.

 

“I agree with Louis. I say Niall decides this - but of course mate if you need someone to talk to or don’t wanna stand with this alone you just... you know,” Harry agreed. I could feel him place a hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

 

“Liam as well - what about you Zayn?” Louis stated. I guessed Liam had been nodding. I kept my eyes closed still shocked over how I had ended up in this situation. Of how Zayn had reacted. How had it come to this?

 

I could hear Zayn sigh.

 

“Niall. Choose what makes her happy - okay? Whatever it takes to insure she’ll make it. You got to consider her first,” Zayn looked at me with an intense gaze. His brown eyes shining slightly from the tears. Automatically I just nodded. This was it. I was left with this choice all to myself.

 

What was I going to choose? Never seeing Molly again and try to convince our fans we were still just friends - or destroying everything we had built up with this band and keep her? They were never going to treat her properly if we were seen together. They would never stop the tweets, the comments. I could just imagine what could happen if anybody noticed her at one of our concerts.

 

What was I going to choose? Save the band and in some twisted way Molly by letting go of what we had? By letting go of her? Or should I deny the whole fandom controlling my life by keeping her - risking her getting harassed and risking the band losing popularity?

 

I knew that no matter what I chose Molly was going to end up devastated - but should that be caused by a break up or endless harassment?

 

“I can’t choose - I... I can’t do this,” I spoke almost inaudible. How could I? What if I chose to let her go because of the fans - could I then ever forgive them? Just forget it? Could I perform for them and pretend to care for them, when they were the reason I had to give up a person I … I loved? Could I forgive myself?

 

MOLLY’s POV

“TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON!” I yelled at Sophie, who just stared at  the floor with a hurt expression. Occasionally she would shake her head a little, while I kept storming back and forth in our hotel room.