Third Person's Point of View
"Who does she think she is?" Hans asked and he sat in his large chair, in front of the fireplace, drinking his weight in beer. "That girl has tangled with the wrong man!"
"Darn right." said LeFou.
"No one says "no" to Hans!" Hans shouted. "Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear."
Hans took a big drink of his beer.
"More beer?" LeFou asked.
"What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced."
"Who, you? Never! Hans, you've got to pull yourself together!" LeFou shouted before he broke into song.
Bold = LeFou
Italics = Gaston
Both = Chorus
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Hans
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Hans
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as you, Hans
No one's quick as you, Hans
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Hans'
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
No one's been like you, Hans
A king pin like you, Hans
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like you, Hans
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
My what a guy, that Hans!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Hans is the best
And the rest is all drips
No one fights like you, Hans
Douses lights like you, Hans
In a wrestling match nobody bites like you, Hans!
For there's no one as burly and brawny
As you see I've got biceps to spare
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
No one hits like you, Hans
Matches wits like you, Hans
In a spitting match nobody spits like you, Hans!
I'm espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
Ten points for Hans!
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Hans!
No one shoots like you, Hans
Makes those beauts like Hans
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like you, Hans
I use antlers in all of my decorating!
My what a guy, that Hans!
YOU ARE READING
Beauty and the Guardian: Book Five of the Jelsa Fairytale Series
FanfictionOnce upon a time in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, he was selfish, spoiled and unkind. On top of it all, this prince was special. This Prince could control snow and ice. One wi...
