Illegal Love~ Newtmas

cant forgive, cant forget

Chapter 26
Newts pov
I sat in the woods and cried. I knew it was a mistake, but for some reason I just couldn't stop. I was popular, people loved me and I wasn't bullied anymore. The only price I had to pay for all of that was not being with Thomas, I thought it was worth it; but it wasn't. I realized that the second after I pretended to forget I just didn't know how to all the sudden remember. It was a war with myself I battled everyday, I wanted to fix it but at the same time I didn't. But none of that matters anymore, it's in the past, right now I just have to fix me and Tommys relationship.

I force myself to stop crying and get up and head back to the house. As I'm walking along the sidewalk I see Lydia is walking farther up the sidewalk back to her house.

"Lydia!" I yell.

"Lydia!" I scream again.

"LYDIA." But she doesn't turn back to me.

I run to her and she starts walking faster.

"Lydia." I say grabbing her arm and turning her towards me.

"What!" She screams in my face yanking her arm free from mine.

"You kept walking away from me."

"That's the point." She spits walking away again.

"Lydia." I say grabbing her arm again and she yanks it free again.

"What do you want!" She yells.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"What's wrong Newt? Is that some kind of joke? Do you think that the only person you hurt is Thomas? Minho blames everything on himself everyday. Malia asks people all the time when the real Newt is coming home. Maya's always upset because shes just a shucking nice person. I HATED MYSELF EVERYDAY! You know who you hurt the most, after Thomas. Huh do you know?"

I shake my head.

"Gally. He hasn't spoken since he called Thomas when you jumped. I heard he goes too therapy three times a week even though he won't talk. He's a zombie at school, I don't know how you could miss him, but you did. You were to caught up in yourself to see how many people you are hurting. I may have helped you with Thomas earlier but that was for Thomas's benefit. I know how much he loves you and I feel bad for him because he deserves better then that. Don't talk to me anymore." She scoffs and then she's gone.

I can't believe I never noticed Gally in the halls,
I guess I really was to caught up in myself to notice... God what have I done. I lost the two most important people in the world to me.

A few more tears come but I force myself to stop crying before I entered the house. I know Thomas said he doesn't want to talk to me but it's been a hour, maybe he's cooled down enough by now.

I walk up the stairs to our room to find that none of my stuff was in our room.

"What the?" I say to myself. Right then Thomas emerges from the bathroom and looks up at me, then rolls his eyes.

"Thomas where the bloody hell is my stuff." I say.

"Your room." He says trying to slam the door in my face but I stick my hands out before he can.

I push the door back open, "this is my room."

"Not anymore.' He says slamming the door shut.

I groan knowing he's not gonna tell me anything more and head downstairs to ask my mom.

"Mom," I say when I find her in the living room watching TV with Scott and Malia, "where'd all my stuff go?"

"Oh love I didn't know you were home." She says smiling and turning down the volume of the TV.

"Well Thomas thought it would be best for your recovery if you had your own room, so you could get to know yourself better. He's very keen on you getting better, he even moved all your stuff to your new room by himself."

I almost scoff at the comment, of course that's why he wanted me to have my own room.

"I know... It's great-amazing, to have a... brother like Thomas." I almost throw up at the label.

"But where is my new room? I don't even have a bed for it, do I?" I ask.

"While you were in your coma your bed had got shipped in and we spent some time cleaning out the storage room in the basement so you could have your own room! All the stuffs down there now, you can go and get settled in and I'll call you up for supper love."

All I could do was nod. Thomas was not forgiving me anytime soon.