Till Sunset Do Us Part

Chapter 19 ~ Dead Memories

As I got into the car, I looked up towards the gray clouds mirroring my mood from the last few months. Every moment besides last night. The only since of belonging I've had since my last vision, I'd refuse to ever think of the day as what it truly was. But subconsciously, I knew there was nothing as bitter-sweet than seeing his face, his smile. They both haunted me and mocked me. But nothing could compare to his voice. In which his voice was the only thing give to me with the final clue. I must've known subconsciously of when my death would be held, but hearing his voice must have been a pre-death gift from the Gods that'd cursed.

But my entire so tearful treat last night was going to have a price. Not only was the death itself planned to be torturous, but my thoughts I was sure to have were worse. "To think that I had a chance and didn't take it ..." the words that were once a confusing strength were now my weakest point. I closed my eyes, trying to get myself off the topic. I slipped through the door, and put the key in the ignition. After I closed my door, the anxiety took over me. I hit the steering wheel of my new (to me) car as lightning struck across the sky. But, there was difference in the impact of the hit. Right before the hit, I saw him. He was leaning over me with wet hair and was breathing heavily. I figured it was a memory of the best part of my life.

Seeing him made my strength and heart fly away. I sat in the same position for a minute or two trying to clear my mind. I grabbed a C.D. without looking or thinking, and shoved it as I got down the road. Even with music, I tried to concentrate on the road in front of me. But as I got closer to where I was headed, my mind was starting to break through the barrier I created. I went from what street to go to next, to who I knew I was going to see: Trent. As the tears built up one by one the songs slowly came to an end.

As I began to see the building where Rochelle's celebration was held, I tried not to think about it or the tears streaming down the side of my face. Everything was incoherent when I pulled up. I looked at myself, ashamed of my wardrobe. I'd promised her that I'd wear a dress, but I was ashamed that I had stooped so low as to pick the one I knew Trent liked.

I shook my head and heaved a sigh. Fuck it. I pulled down the glove box and ruffled through papers and pens looking for the one thing I decided I would never think of: the necklace I got for my birthday. I grabbed it and buckled it around my neck. The chilled metal landed on my neck, freezing me in place. The heavy pendant landed right between my neck and collar bone - knocking the wind out of me. I looked in the mirror. It'll do.

I pushed open the car door, landing my black high-heels inches away from a puddle of rain. I grabbed the keys and hopped out of the car. I slammed the car door and marched off, hearing only my footsteps on the cement. As I walked into the building, I was relieved to see that I was late, and there was a large crowd. Maybe I won't have to see him. I held on to the slight possibility. I pulled out my phone and glanced at the time: 10:37. I'd been inside all day moping, re-reading, crying, and laying around until I got a hold of myself.

I told myself that I had to at least put on a smile for Rochelle. I wanted her to remember me as a good friend. Not as what I really was, or felt like I really was anyway. I wanted to be able to say goodbye to her, possibly Ryan. But deep down inside, I also knew that I wanted to see him one last time. The bitter-sweet revenge of death is to be able to endure pain, and know that there was no going through it again. And that's what I planned on doing.

But as I searched and searched for Rochelle, I heard a familiar voice over a loud speaker. "Hey everybody. Thanks for making it out. Rochelle and I are glad to see this many people here. So, let's kick off this semester on a good note. Guys?"