Not What It Seems ||An Outsiders Fanfiction||

Chapter 12

When I wake up the next morning, Christmas Day at around 7:00 in the morning, I'm feeling a lot better. I sit up, trying to do some homework before I go back to school next week, and not wake Leesha up in the meantime. I don't start my paper yet, as much as I want to. As much as I want to be able to say I've done it already, as hard as I've tried to say the thing that'll change my life forever, I haven't yet.

When Leesha wakes up, at 8:00 ish, she pulls me down next to her, so our bodies are intertwined.

"Merry Christmas, Annalise," she whispers in my ear, sending chills down my spine.

"You too, baby," I smile at her.

"Ready to get up?" She asks. I nod, and she starts to get up, but I pull her back down.

"What?" She asks, laughing as she sits down next to me. I smile at her.

"I'm gonna do it today," I declare. She stares at me, her eyes wide.

"Do wha- OH MY GOD! Really?" She practically squeals. I nod, and she pulls me into a hug.

"I'm not gonna chicken out this time... As soon as we get out there, I'm gonna tell them." I say, determined to really do it. My heart is racing and my palms are sweaty, but at the same time I am excited. It might feel good to get this weight off of my shoulders. To not have to keep lying...

"Well, c'mon! Let's get going!" Leesha exclaims, opening the door and walking out in her pajamas. I laugh.

"That excited?" I ask my girlfriend, following her out the door

"I'm just so proud of you, Ana," she says.

"For what?" Ponyboy asks from the couch. I jump, I was not expecting anyone to be up yet, but surprisingly, everyone is up, including Two-Bit, Johnny, Dally and Steve, who I didn't even realize had stayed over. When I don't answer, Darry speaks up.

"Merry Christmas, girls. Are you guys ready to open presents now?" He asks, pointing to the heaps of wrapped boxes under the tree. I nod, and say Merry Christmas back, trying to hold off coming out as long as I can, but Leesha won't stand for it.

"Annalise, didn't you have something to discuss with everyone?" She asks. I shoot her a nervous, desperate look as if to say "Why now?!" But I know it has to be done.

"Yeah... I guess so," I say, nervously.

"Everything okay, Ana?" Darry asks, standing up. I nod slowly.

"Y-yeah. Maybe you should sit down for this," I say, taking a long, deep breath.

It's now or never.

I watch as Dally and Johnny give each other a look, as well as Sodapop and Darry, and Ponyboy looks confused. But they all take my advice with Darry in his arm chair, Soda, Pony and Steve on the couch, Two-Bit, Johnny and Dally on the floor. Leesha stands next to me, probably wanting me to just let it out already. But do I want to?

It's now or never...

I choose now.

"Guys... There's something that I have to say that I should have told you a long time ago that I just couldn't bring myself to say until now," I say, my voice louder and more confident than I expected. Leesha is smiling at me.

"You dying, Ana?" Two-Bit asks, trying to lighten the mood. My cheeks redden, while I should have been laughing like Leesha.

"No, she's as alive as ever. Now go on, Ana. You can do it," she says. And that's when I realize that I can do it. So I go right out and say it.

"I'm lesbian." No response, only confused looks.

"I like girls... Mostly... this girl," I say, pointing to Leesha. I take her hand in mine, raising it in the air. I wait for responses. They take a while, or maybe it just seems like they do. My heart races, and everything is in slow motion.

"You are?" Ponyboy asks.

"I knew it!" Two-Bit yells. Dally and Johnny stare, wide eyed. Steve rolls his eyes, and I can tell that he doesn't care, he's just here for Soda. Soda doesn't know what to do. Darry, well, his response is different. He gets up and hugs me. And when he does, I'm sobbing. Because I didn't know what they would say, how they'd feel, what they'd do.

"Thank you," he whispers in my ear.

"F-for what?" I whimper. He rubs my back, strokes my hair, shushes me, and I almost forget that he's younger than me. It's like he is my twin, just like Mom and Dad used to say.

"For telling us," he says. When I stop crying, he lets go. I look at him.

"I... I don't understand. Did you know?" I ask, wiping my nose. He nods.

"I have for years, Ana. I was just waiting for you to tell us," he explains. And that triggers a whole new wave of tears as I realize that although he was trying to protect my feelings by not mentioning it, he must have been hurt himself when I didn't tell him.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. He smiles sadly at me.

"Don't be. I'm just glad you told us now," he says. I sniff, and Leesha comes over and takes my hand again.

"So... You guys don't mind?" I ask. Soda and Ponyboy both get up and hug me, Two-Bit shakes his head. Johnny says something that shocks the hell out of all of us.

"Why would Dal and I mind when we're together too?" He asks. Everyone, including Leesha and I, minus Johnny and Dally are shocked, so we know it had to be planned. But still, I run over and hug them both, proud of their confidence and acceptance. I sit down next to them after.

"So, baby, how's it feel to be out?" Leesha asks, coming and sitting next to me. I look at her, grabbing her face and kissing her.

"Leesha? It feels amazing," I say.

A/N: I'M SO PROUD OF MY SWEET ANA I COULDN'T DECIDE IF SHE WAS GOING TO DO IT OR NOT BUT WHEN I'M WRITING HER THINGS END UP HAPPENING THAT I DON'T REALLY PLAN AND OMG. WHO ELSE CRIED?! I'M SOBBING RIGHT NOW I'M SO EXCITED.

MERRY CHRISTMAS OR HAPPY HANUKKAH OR JOYUS KWANZAA OR WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE! I HOPE IT IS/WAS AN AMAZING DAY. I LOVE YOU!! :)