Hotline Bling

Chapter 16

"Did I ever really know you?" He asked. His question reminiscent of years past. Two years ago, if asked, he would have happily proclaimed to know everything about her. From her favorite color to her favorite singer. But as of right now it was obvious to him that he actually knew nothing about her. And all the things that he did know were trivial to what really mattered. Her happiness. Her well-being. They were all in question. The girl who had stolen his heart two years ago with the genuine smile and sparkling eyes was now nothing but a distant memory that seemed unrealistic in contrast to the damaged woman before him.

Essence hesitated for a moment before sighing, what good would it do to continue to hide the truth from him? She was, in all honesty, tired of running. She was beaten down mentally, the race of life becoming too much for her to deal with on her own.

"You knew what I wanted you to know." She mumbled truthfully.

He licked his lips, his eyes appraising her, seeing her in a new light. "If we had stayed together...would you have ever...talked to me? Truthfully?"

She looked over at him, her eyes wide with thought.

"I don't know." She whispered.

The façade that she had found comfort in hiding behind was now a broken, shattered mask at her feet. Leaving her exposed and vulnerable to the world around her finding out the truth. That the pretty face and confident swagger she exuded was just a ploy...another mechanism to hold her along until she graduated. Until she would finally be free to leave the dead end of oppression around her.

Roman watched her for a moment, for the first time, he was truly seeing her. He reached for her hand and held it in his. Her finger tips were wrinkled from sitting in the water. He kissed the palm of her hand and she snatched her hand away. Looking up at him with confused eyes.

"Will you tell me who's been hurting you?" He tried again.

She looked him straight in the eyes before pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them.

She stared at him for a moment before blinking. "Did I ever tell you about the foster home I lived in?" She asked.

He shook his head, 'no.'

She continued to look him in the eyes as she spoke. "I don't really remember much. It was like the days went by in a blur, like one big messed up dream until one day I opened my eyes and was able to comprehend that I had no real home...or love."

Roman stayed silent.

"It was one summer in particular that I remember. Sometimes it feels like a fake memory. Some shit I just conjured up in my head but...I don't think I'd be that cruel to myself. I was nine...or maybe ten? I don't really remember but it was scorching hot. I had been running around the neighborhood playing with the other kids. One by one they all headed home...to the families that waited for them. To love and affection that I would never seem to get in the arms of the woman who didn't really want me. She used me for the checks. She drank up every penny, every month. And I'm sure if there had been a way for her to collect the checks without keeping me..."

She stopped talking, slapping the water around her with angry hands.

"Do you know what it's like to want love but never receive it? To cry for it at night only to be told to grow up? It was that day that I realized that I was on my own. I walked home after that and walked in on Mona chugging a bottle of vodka to the head. She threw the bottle at me. It took me hours of scrubbing to wash away the smell of vodka from my skin...my hair. I can't even remember how many band aids I used with shaking hands to cover the cuts."

Essence stopped talking for a moment, her gaze travelling to her hands, which hovered above the water.

"I met King when I was fifteen, I was two months away from being sixteen and I was convinced that I was grown. I had been fending for myself for so long...On my sixteenth birthday King took my virginity. It was awful...painful. He was never...good to me but he offered me attention and gifts. Things that translated to love in my mind. Because I had never had it, love, real love, I didn't know the difference. I thought I loved him...I thought he loved me, why else would he lavish me with expensive gifts and constantly use my body if not for love?"

"And then I met you, Roman." She looked up at him. "You were...different. Warm." She whispered.

Roman leaned against the tub, taking in her words as best he could. What he could he say? He couldn't chase these demons away. They were already deep down inside her and it seemed that she was hanging onto the edge, a breath from falling.

"Have I really changed that much?" He asked.

She smiled up at him. "You're still just as warm as I remember...maybe warmer."

"What happened to us?"

She stiffened, her smile fell. "Reality...there are no happy endings in real life."

He shook his head, "I never realized how much of a pessimist you were."

She smirked, though it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm just being real."

He stood then, "Well, you know what I think?" He asked as he wrapped his hands around her waist, lifting her out of the tub and right up against him, ignoring the fact that she was dripping wet.

"What?" She asked huskily as he leaned toward her.

He licked his lips, his arms tight around her waist, "I think that's B.S."

She frowned up at him before placing her hands on his upper arms. "What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly what I said. Two years ago we were both immature and out of practice. I'm not the same man that I was back then..."

Her eyes widened as she realized where he was going with this. "Roman, no...no-no-no. Let me go, get off me."

He tightened his grip on her, leaning closer and closer to her. "I'm not letting you go again. I been so busy spending time trying to erase you from my life, my mind, my heart. When it's so obvious to me that I won't ever get over you."

"Roman...please." She mumbled past trembling lips. She wasn't ready for this. Her heart still needn't time to heal.

He continued to hold her with one arm, using the other to lift her chin so that she was looking up at him. "I'm stuck on you. And I've been trying so hard to fight this shit but now...Fuck it, Essence, look at me."

She had her eyes shut tight, refusing to open them. He slid his hand down her body, evoking a gasp her parted lips. His hand travelled right for her womanhood and her eyes popped open.

"You're scared, I know. But you need to know that the love I have for you ain't going nowhere." He said with serious intent. She stared up at him wide eyed. The look of vulnerability in her eyes had him holding his breath. He was most definitely gone. No other female had ever had a hold on him like this. He wanted to make love to her, to bring her to the brink of ecstasy but he knew now was not the right time for that. He moved his hand back up her body now that he had her attention. He cupped her face in his hand, his fingers meeting the kinky locks of her hair that had gotten wet in the tub.

"I'm tired of running Essence, and I know you are too. We've been hiding for too long."

She opened her mouth to speak but he gently covered her mouth with his thumb, shaking his head at her, "No more excuses. As of right now, naw, fuck that...since the first day I met you I laid claim on you. You're mine, you hear me?"

Her breath caught, her heart fluttered, butterfly's erupted in the pit of her stomach like a volcano. She nodded her head, her voice lost to her.

"I need to hear you say it. Nodding your head ain't enough." He whispered.

She swallowed before opening her mouth. "Say what?" She managed.

He smirked down at her, leaning towards her, his lips hovering over hers. "That you're mine."

She shook her head, "I'm not saying that."

He kissed her then, not really caring about her denial of the obvious. As far as he was concerned she was his.

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