Wish I wasn't so shy

Blue Boy

It took us three months to find a cheap, tolerable apartment. We lived relatively close to our old apartments, so it was nothing new to us.

With the new year already starting, the Strokes finally got someone to manage their band. I've met him before. His name was Ryan and the guys all seemed to really enjoy him. Julian gradually made more songs and had enough to put an album together. I constantly told him to talk about making an EP with the guys, but he always doubted himself.

I've noticed he's been doing that lately; doubting himself. It worries me to see him in such pain. And from what, I don't know.

"Jules, are you okay? You seem really out of it", I asked him, stealing a piece of bacon from his plate which was nearly untouched.
He rubbed his eyes. "Yeah I'm just super tired. It was really hard for me to sleep last night."

I reached over the table and kissed him. "I'm sorry babe. Don't you have a show today?"
"No, we rescheduled."
"Why?"
"I wanted to spend some time with my girlfriend, that's why", he smiled.
"Oh really? Who is she", I joked. He did a cute half smile, taking our plates to the sink.

Julian wanted to take me out for our 9 month anniversary. I told him not to worry about it because I hated unnecessary anniversary celebrations, but he insisted. I wasn't going to tell him to blow it off, he was really trying to please me.

"Kay, I'm gonna head in the shower. Wanna join", I winked. He chuckled somewhat uncomfortably.
"I'm good, I needed to call Albert really quick."

I shrugged my shoulders and jumped in the shower. Julian was acting so weird and it itched at me.

Julian's POV

I dialled his number, knowing he would pick up.
"Yes?" Fabrizio answered. I knew that if I told Maya I was calling Fab, she'd think it was weird, so I used Albert instead.
"Oh thank god. Fab I'm shitting my pants, I can't do this", I paced, feeling like I suddenly lost all my breath.
"You've been planning this for a month, you can't back out now."
"Maybe I should back out.... "
"Julian, stop doubting yourself. You love her", he comforted.
"...but does she love me?" I looked at the ground.
"That's a fucking retarded question, honestly." His voice boomed me out of daydream.
"Shut up. I gotta go, see you later." I sighed.
"Yup. Don't flake out", he said firmly.

I rolled my eyes, hanging up on him. I went into our bedroom and fell back on the bed with a thump, lightly pulling my hair. I could hear Maya singing quietly to herself. It made me smile. My eyes wandered around the room we shared. We shared, I repeated in my head.

I hummed loudly, which came out more as a whine. I can't do this, I can't do this!

"Do what?" Maya asked, making me jump.
"Was I speaking out loud", I said more to myself. She looked down at me and nodded her head yes.
"Jules, are you sure you're okay?" She lied down next to me with just a towel wrapped around her body. There were little droplets of water on her shoulders and chest.

I turned to my side and held her waist. I feared she could see the discomfort in my eyes, she could see everything. "Babe, I'm just having an off day. Don't worry about me." I forced a smile.

She was looking at me with her eyebrows furrowed. She didn't buy it. "Honey, tell me what's wrong." She put her hand on my cheek and spoke ever so softly, making me shiver.

I bit my lip, trying to make up something off the top of my head. I couldn't lie to her, so I just hid my face in the crook of her neck, rubbing her soft skin with my nose. She stroked my hair and cradled my head.

I brought her closer to me, scared that she will walk out of my life if I made one little mistake. I sniffed in her scent and kissed her neck.

"I'm sorry I'm like this on our anniversary", I mumbled into her shoulder.
"It's cool babe. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to", she assured.

I nodded my head against her.

I didn't want to do anything. I'm scared of every little out come of the future. Scared of what will happen if she says no. I reached into my pocket, feeling the velvety texture of the box. No, I can't do this...not today.

AN: Quick chapter, I know...I wanted to get out a new update as soon as possible. Also I'm going to a concert in two hours so that's pretty bitchin XD