Wish I wasn't so shy

The Morning After

Waking up is always a challenge when you're hungover. Moving my head slightly was like getting stabbed in the brain. Sitting up was out of the question.

I groaned loudly, wanting to cry from the pain in my head. It wasn't that bad but I felt the need to cry. I hid my head underneath the sheets. I thought I heard my door knob twist but I think I was going crazy. I couldn't really concentrate on anything because of my headache.

"Hey sleep head", Julian's raspy voice whispered. I slowly brought down the sheet, slightly confused as to why he was in my apartment. Then I was reminded that he took me home last night.

He had paracetamol and a small glass of water in his hands. I slowly sat up, thanking him as I swallowed the pills. Julian was wearing the same thing he wore for the concert, minus the blazer.

"I can make some coffee if you want, or some tea?" He asked. I loved how he remembered small things about me, for example, the fact that I probably drank too much tea. It was hard for me to be mad at Julian when he acted this way.

"Um..coffee's fine", I spoke groggily. When I got out of bed, I noticed that I too was wearing the same clothes from the previous night. Which probably explains why my boobs were killing me. "Let me just change, I'll be out in a sec."

I quickly changed into boxer shorts and a large Velvet Underground shirt. I walked out, finding Julian sitting at the counter while the coffee was brewing.

I sat next to him silently, picking at my nails. I can't wait to get through our awkwardness.

"You have a small scrape on your knee", his voice cracked. I looked at my right knee, which did have a tiny scrape on it.

"Yeah, I guess I got it from pouncing on Claire", I chuckled. Julian smiled for a second but then went serious again.

"Maya, I'm sorry I was flirting with her." He confessed. He's so cute when he's vulnerable.
"It shouldn't bother me. After all, we're not dating." He had a plead in his eyes, then nodded his head agreaingly.

The beep indicting that the coffee was ready startled us both. He beat me to it, pouring us a cup. I whispered out a little thank you, drinking it black.

He only took a couple of sips before setting his cup down and getting up. "I should go." It hurt hearing those words but they were going to be spoken sooner or later. He put his jacket and shoes on.

"Yeah...okay." I got up, walking him to the door.
"Mi...", he stuttered.
"Yeah?"
"...uhm..d-don't drop out of college." He said nervously. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I'll try", I gave him a small smile. He tilted his head down slightly, waving his hand as he walked.

"Wait Jules!" He turned quickly, hope in his eyes.
"Did you bring your car?" All the hope disappeared. He scratched the back of his scruffy hair.
"Uh no. I was just gonna catch a cab."
"Oh...", was all I said. We stood very far from each other, making it even more awkward.

"I-I can give you a ride", I questioned. His eyes grew wide. He rubbed his neck. "Sure."

He waited exactly where he stood as I got my keys. I didn't bother finding my shoes, I'm just driving after all. I was positive I was making it harder for both of us by doing this, but I wanted to be with him.

My world felt empty without the sound of his voice ringing in my ears, it took me four days to realise that.

The drive to his apartment was dead silent and only the roaring of the car was heard. I would catch Julian looking at me from the corner of my eye and I was so tempted to stare back. I pulled into the small parking lot next to the apartment complex.

Julian sat there for a good 7 seconds before saying anything. "Thanks for the ride." He was very distant, it's like even when he talked it seemed to himself.

I waved at him as he walked to his floor. When I was back home, I felt complete loneliness. I didn't even bother to toss the half full coffee cups away, I went straight to my room to mope around and feel sorry for myself.

I bet if I asked, Julian and I would be back together in the blink of an eye. But it doesn't work that way for me, I wish I wasn't so shy.