Wish I wasn't so shy

Can't Alway Get What You Want

Knock knock

I shuffled in my sleep, trying to ignore who ever was at the door. "I'll get it", Julian whispered. I felt the bed rise up from where he was laying.

"Happy birthday!" Was all I heard when Julian answered the door. It sounded like Nick's voice. Happy birthday? I tried to remember what today was. August 22? 23? Julian's birthday is today! How could I forget.

I shot out of bed and ran out, hugged Julian from behind. He chuckled, putting his hands over mine. "Jules, I completely forgot, I'm so sorry."

He turned around. "It's no biggy, my birthday is the least important thing right now but thank you." He pecked my lips. I greeted Nick and gave him a hug.

"The other guys are coming in a little", Nick said. I bit my lip, thinking how I didn't really want to see anyone right now. It's been two days since that call from my mother. I called her the next day and we discussed the funeral.

She told me he got jumped by a couple of guys. One of them kicked him in the head, the other stabbed him. They took all his money and his cellphone. They didn't discover his body until the next morning. I'm suppose to leave New York in three days, but I haven't told anyone. Not even Julian.

Jules pulled me into him, noticing my expression. "I'm sorry", he whispered.
"It's your birthday, have fun." I smiled so he wouldn't feel as bad but he knew I was faking it.

Just then, there was another knock on the door. The rest of the gang filed in. I forced a smile as I greeted them. I could feel Julian watching me.

"If you'll excuse me guys, I'm gonna go make myself look like I didn't just rise from the dead." I made an excuse to get away from the small gathering. The minute I closed my bedroom door, I had a mini breakdown. I just wanted to go away temporarily. I paced back and forth, trying to occupy myself instead of crying. I was sick of crying, it was tiring.

I decided to actually make myself not look like death to keep my mind off the stress I was feeling. I stripped down, hoping into the cold water that soon adjusted to warmer water. With every minute that passed, I thought about how I was lying to everyone. I'm going to have to drop out, I'm going to have to go home, I'm going to have to leave everyone for a while. I didn't have the guts to deal with the good bye.

Someone knocked on the bathroom door, startling me. "Maya, you okay?" Julian's voice muffled. I turned the water off, quickly drying myself and walking out. I didn't answer his question. My conscious constantly said I'm okay, I'm fine but I not.

I worked my way around him, putting on a bra and underwear, then searching for a dress because I was too lazy to put pants on. Julian stopped me from my frantic rumagging. He had his hands on my elbows, getting a good look at my remorse expression. It hurt to look at him and think that in three days this will all be gone.

"Jules..." My eyes watered. He started kissing all around my face, telling me not to cry. It made me want to cry even more. "Look Julian, I have to go back home soon. In three days. And I don't know when I'll be back."

His jaw clenched, giving my elbows a squeeze. All I did was hug him, I didn't know what else to do. He hugged me back, digging his face in to my neck.

"I understand", he whispered. I could hear the hurt in his voice, it was unbearable. He gave me a small smile as he pecked my lips and walked back out into the party. I could hear the guys teasing him, asking if we were having sex in here. He chuckled and I couldn't help but chuckle myself.

I put on a plain black casual dress and put on my best smile as I walked back to the party. "Finally! It took you ages", Nikolai exaggerated. I stuck my tongue out at him, giggling.

For the most part, we talked and drank. Soon enough, my very old and out of tune guitar was brought out of the dust to be played. We all sang along to songs we knew, and for the first time, I revisited my days of playing. When ever I played I always thought, l'll never be as good as my brother, but I was amongst friends and I didn't want to poop on the party.

Nick and I drove to the closest supermarket and bought Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, and candles that said 21. They were Julian's birthday cake because we didn't plan accordingly. Once we were back, we set the pastries into a square shape, with Twinkies around the edges and Ding-Dongs in the middle. We stuck the candles in, lit them up, and sang him a great Happy Birthday.

"Make a wish", Albert cheered. Julian contemplated, smirked, and then blew the candles out. We clapped and wooh-ed. I drabbed one of the small cakes and shoved it in Julian's face. He was shocked.

"Oh no you don't", he grinned. Before I could scram, he grabbed me, giving me a big sweet kiss. Now some of the filling from the Ding-Dong was on my face.

"Jesus get a room", Nick whined.
"This is my house, I'll do what I please", I said back. He jokingly rolled his eyes. I cleaned Julian's face, then mine.

"Okay okay, let's just eat now", Fab said. We each took something from the 'cake.' After that, there were presents. Albert got him a pack of a half empty condom box, which was actually Julian's, and a discount card to the record store Albert worked at. Fab made him a mixtape of all the songs that reminded him of Julian, which consisted mostly of Nirvana and some songs from the soundtrack of Dirty Dancing. Niko got him a bottle of cheap whiskey with an additional 10 dollar bill. Nick simply got him a birthday card with 20 dollars and a pack of cigarettes.

"Wow, these are amazing guys. Thank you." Julian pretended to sound sarcastic.
"What about Maya", Fab asked. "Didn't you get him something?"
"I'm waiting to give him his gift", I smirked. The guys wiggled their eyebrows at Julian. He blushed, telling them to shut up.

The truth was that I didn't have time to get him a gift, but I will make it up to him. After that, everyone left and it was the two of us again.

We crashed on the couch. Julian had his head on my lap as he flipped through the channels on the TV. Finally he gave up on trying to find something good, so he left it on a cooking channel and ignored it. He looked at me as I played with his hair.

"Do you actually have a present for me?" He smirked.
"Not really", I confessed. "But I will soon."
"I don't care. You alone is the best thing I could have." I rolled my eyes, telling him to shut up. I started feeling melancholic thinking about it though, he won't have me in a couple of days.

I bent down to kiss him, enjoying it while it last. He proped his elbows up, slowly sitting up as we kissed. He rubbed his hand up and down my thigh, slightly pulling up my dress. I started kissing his neck, sucking on his sweet spot. I made sure that he would have a mark there.

He let out that cute little breathy laugh of his. "What wrong?" I stopped kissing him.
"Nothing, you're just really sexy." He said.

I smirked, tackling him down so that I was straddling his lap. "That proves my point even more", he adds.
"I'm only encouraged because you're sexy", I complimented back. Now he became all flustered. I went back to kissing him. He smiled into the kiss, making me smile, until we were both smiling too hard to kiss.

The world was right where I wanted it. I wanted to stop time and stay like this forever. I want to hold on to this feeling, but you can't always get what you want.

AN: I was having writers block, my apologies. I am currently dying too because my wrist hurts like bitch and my life has really been sucking. Anyway the next chapter will be out soon. Massive thanks for getting me to 3k, that's fucking mental. Love you lots!