Wish I wasn't so shy

Regret

Julian's POV

Maya Maya Maya...her name was engraved on my brain, on my heart, all over my journal filled with songs about her. I hate myself. Every horrible thing I've done can't compare to the guilt I feel now. I left a beautiful girl who was willing to look over my flaws to be with a bimbo who I'd have sex with every other night. And for what, happiness? I was far from that.

I'm also pretty sure Judy, the bimbo, was cheating on me with a chick, one of her friends.

Life without Maya has been boring and repetitive. Sleep in late, drink for breakfast(which basically was lunch), pass out for a couple of hours, bartend, have Judy over for some fun, drink more until I pass out again. Sometimes I'll slip in some drugs to make it more exciting, but that's usually how my day went.

Albert had threatened to kick me out, but I think I was too high to care. I think he was high with me. But I did have to get better, at least for Maya.

"Jules, Judy is here", Albert hollered from outside my bedroom door. I rolled my eyes, I wasn't up for Judy today. I didn't want sex and I didn't want to hear her stupid voice and smell her cheap perfume. I got up anyway though.

When I walked out, Judy was sitting on our couch and Albert was sipping coffee and reading the New York Times in the kitchen. Judy got up, twirling around to show off her loose black dress. "What do you think?" She asked with a smile. I shrugged my shoulders. "S'nice."

"I wanted to go shopping today. Maybe you can pick out some nice sexy panties for me", she whispered in my ear. Her charm wasn't working on me today.

"I'm sorry Judy, I'm feeling a little under the weather today. I think I'm catching something and I don't want you to get sick. You can go on without me, invite that friend of yours, what's her name, Diana", I lied. When I referred to her friend, I ment the chick she was cheating on me with. I kinda wanted her to ditch me for her, I wasn't in the mood for break up with anyone.

"You sure, babe? I can take care of you?" She smirked. I shook my head,"No really, I'm sure Albert wouldn't mind taking care of me." I heard Albert huff from the kitchen.

"Well ok then. Feel better Julesy." I hated that nickname. I probably wouldn't hate it if Maya called me that.

She kissed me good bye and left. When the door shut, I let out a sigh of relief. "Look who's coming to terms with his true feelings. Judy isn't all that, is she?" Albert said in a I-told-you-so tone.

"I don't know man, today I'm really missing...her." I couldn't bring myself to say her name. Albert walked over to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and sat down on the couch beside me. He turned the TV on to The Simpsons. "Julian, I know you only broke it off with Maya because you didn't want to hurt her, but I think you hurt her more."

He was right. From what Fab told me, I was destroying her. It made me want to crawl back into my dark room and drink until I couldn't feel. And then puke it all back up because I deserved to feel like shit for being such a shitty person.

"Look, you just need to grow a pair and talk to her", Albert suggested.
"No Al, I can't just talk to her. I broke her heart. She probably doesn't want to see me."
"But she misses you, man."
"But I know Maya, she won't show it and try to act tough about it, like she's almost telling herself she should do it."

My voice cracked when I said her name. Albert looked at me, feeling sorry for me. He knew how much she meant to me, he knew how tough it was to consider breaking it off with Maya for her own sake. But if I'm too scared to fall in love with someone because of my issues, then what's the point in ever being in love?

"Julian...Fab will probably kill me for telling you but...", he gulped. He opened his mouth, just to close it.
"Dude tell me. What's up?" I fidgeted. What could he possibly tell me that it is so bad he can't even bring himself to say it?

"When I tell you, just please don't flip, okay?" He had an uneasy look on his face.
"I can't promise anything Albert."
"Well...how do I say this. Nick kissed Maya", he mumbled.

Nick what?

"Man, Fab told me and he made me swear not to tell you so don't-"
"You guys were just gonna keep this from me!?" I was outraged. The guys and I were talking about forming a band, to hell with it. If we can't tell each other shit, then I can't do the band.

"We were gonna tell you, just not now. Not until the stuff with you and Maya died down. I'm sorry Jules, at least I told you." I didn't even look at him, I got up and went to my room. I threw on some pants and shoes, looking for the keys to our car. Nick was gonna pay.

Running out of my room, I searched for the keys. Albert stopped me. "Dude what are you doing?" I found the keys, opening the door and walking out.

I looked back at Albert. "I'm gonna punch Nick so hard he sees the curve of the earth."

AN: Hello! I wanted to get this chapter out as soon as possible. Shit is going down with Nick and Julian 😬