I never knew her, not really
No more than light conversation or vague friendship that may have been something more but for one reason or another never was.
But everytime I saw her smile my heart broke.
It broke in the kind of way that weighs on you for days. Haunts you.
Not because it lit up the room or made me dizzy
But because she seemed genuinely happy when she did.
Her eyes seeing stars where mine saw the dark spaces between them
Happy.
It hurts to write that.
Because I never got it...and on bad days it'd irritate me, enrage me.
On good days it made me soar. Others it just hurt.
Why and how could she be so happy? Not just content but happy...like, christ I can't even think of it.
I wanted her. Wanted to have that light that spilt from her eyes just spill onto me.
My darkness sought her light and though I never really knew her I was ensnared.
Was she really that happy or was she maybe like me?
Did her lightness mask her darkness and could I find solice in the crevices of her beacon of a soul? Turn my back on my pain to see if she had hers?
I wanted to know her.
I never did. She never knew me.
I guess that we were kinda similar after all
