Save Me (A Demi Lovato Femslash Fic)

Chapter 21

"A big part of me does to be honest but I want it to be special." He got off of me and buttoned his pants back up.

"Right." I hooked my bra back together and changed into my pajamas. "You know changing in front of me isn't going to help this go away," said Wesley as he pointed to his protruding friend in his pants. I laughed a bit.

"Well it's a preview of what you'll get soon enough." He smiled and we laid down next to each other. "I'm so lucky I have you. I don't know if many other guys would be okay with me getting them all hot & bothered and then just leaving them that way." He shrugged.

"I mean it sucks but I can't pressure you to do anything you don't want. Besides I made it halfway between second and third base. What a record," my brown haired boy said with a wink. I kissed him gingerly and felt his hand cup my cheek. He left a few minutes after and I laid awake in my bed staring at the ceiling wondering if I wanted to lose it with Wes. Back in Dallas I'd assumed Demi would take my virginity but she was clearly off the table now. Wes loved me, cared for me, and made me happy. Why couldn't I just shake what ever feelings are left over for Demi? The next day I woke up and found a letter next to my nightstand. I opened it and read it.

Yesenia ,

I received this letter from Demi a few days after you left and thought you should read it. A large part of me didn't want to because I know you're doing a lot better and this will just hurt you. But I felt you deserved to read it. See for yourself that her departure from your life was a blessing.

-love always,

Dad

I grabbed the other paper that was in the envelope and read it.

Dear Yesenia,

I can't see you right now. I couldn't if I wanted to(frankly I don't want to). Anyways I heard you were in the hospital and I hope you're better but I can't ever see you again. It will be terrible for my image if I'm associated with someone who cuts themselves, and purges. Think of what people will say about me? They'll think I'm doing it again and honestly you're not worth the drama. I had fun with you I'll say that but I'm not bisexual that much I know now. Don't tell anyone what happened between us I don't want it getting out. I mean if I'm going to get in the middle of a lesbian scandal I want it to be with someone more......aesthetically attractive (no offense don't cut yourself over this, don't be such a drama queen). Long story short lets act like we never knew each other Kay? Cool, bye.

I dropped the letter and felt nothing. I was numbed. Completely and utterly numb. I couldn't feel a thing. Slowly I got up and walked to my bathroom. I stood on the toilet seat(top down of course) on my tip toes and reached the top of my shower. I grabbed the razor and started dismantling it. The way the blade shone seemed like it was welcoming me back. I closed my eyes and felt the coolness glide over my wrist. It felt good, so good. It felt nice to just forget. To forget about everything, and most importantly everyone. I sat down on my bathroom floor and cut my other wrist. Cutting seemed to give me a high in a sort of way. It was addicting and I couldn't abstain from it for too long. I needed it. The cut on my right hand was a bit deeper and bled more. I freaked out a bit when it wouldn't stop bleeding but when I put pressure on it, it seemed to slowly stop. I washed my hands and my blade, hit it somewhere safe, and washed up to go downstairs. I put on a big sweater that covered my cuts. The numbness seemed to fade as the seconds went by. I had breakfast with my mom and told her I didn't feel well enough to go to school.

"Was it that letter sweetie?"

"No I just have a stomach ache. I'll be fine by tomorrow." She nodded and went to call my school. I climbed back up the stairs and re-read the letter. The numbness was completely gone and was replaced by sobs. My tears were hot and salty as they ran down my face. I tore the letter into pieces and threw them in the trash. If she wants me to act like nothing happened between us then that's exactly what she's going to get. I deleted her number from my phone,erased any pictures we took together, and ripped out all the pages that included her from my diary. Demi was wiped clean of my life. That night I called Wes over because my mom went to her friends house with Dustin. I was alone and that's what I needed to be in order to accomplish what I wanted. I'm a senior with her virginity, how pathetic is that. I want it and I want Wesley. He came over and wanted to hang out in the living room. "My mom isn't home Wes, we can go to my room," I said as my hand touched his thigh sliding closer to his already hardening friend. "I was thinking we could do something a lot more fun tonight."