Song of Hope

Song of Hope - Chapter 12

Chapter 12


The next few days were amazing for the couple and Lacey. They took time getting to know each other, going on daily activities to the zoo, the aquarium and today the weather had warmed up to seem like a spring day, they decided to take a picnic to the park.

Austin knew he loved her and for him, it was a big step when he told her, knowing there was no going back now! He had only loved one woman in his entire life, now two. He planned today to ask Sydney to marry him. They could figure everything else out along the way. He would gladly move to Atlanta, his parents had been begging him to anyway. He knew everything would work out in the end.

Gathering the picnic basket in one hand, he led Sydney to a sunny spot in the park. Typical Tennessee weather, it was snowing only a few days ago, but now was a balmy seventy degrees. Perfect for a picnic and maybe some kite flying later.

Lacey held on to Sydney’s hand as they walked to the perfect spot, talking Sydney’s ear off about Barbie dolls. Austin smiled knowing that his daughter would have a woman in her life that loved her as much as he did.

Sydney helped Austin spread the blanket out and Lacey ran off to play in the sandbox, giving them a few moments of alone time. Before she could sit down, Austin pulled her close and kissed her, slow and tender. He had begged her not to go home tomorrow, tried every way he could think of to get her to stay a few more days. “If you go home, I can’t do that every day,” he said as he pulled his face away but kept his arms wrapped around her waist.

“True, but it will make our reunion so much better! Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that,” Sydney said with a smile.

“I don’t want you to go.” Austin said as he finally released her and placed the picnic basket in the center of the blanket.

“Neither do I,” Sydney sat down and began pulling the food out. “When do you think you will get to come down?”

“Maybe next weekend, I could take off Friday if there are no issues at work, and I could come down Thursday night.” Austin paused and looked over at her, “I contacted a headhunter.”

Sydney knew this was getting serious when Austin said that. They had not talked about who would relocate and for Austin to call a person who would help him find a job in the Atlanta area, she knew that signified Austin’s dedication to making their relationship work.

“Have you told Tucker yet?” Sydney asked looking up at him knowing this was a hard decision for him to make. He would be leaving his job that he loved and helped Tucker build, his home he had shared with Sonya, and his in-laws who he loved very much.

Austin shook his head, “I haven’t had the heart. I know it will crush them. They love Lacey so much.” He looked over at his daughter now playing on the kiddie slide.

“I will pray for you, and for them, for God to do the right thing.” Sydney said as a matter of fact. Faith in God was serious to her, she loved her Heavenly Father and knew if anyone could work it out, He could.

She could sense the demeanor on Austin’s face shift once the words were out of her mouth, but she could not and would not take them back. God was a part of her life as much as the air that she breathed.  

“Please don’t bring God into this. He has never done anything for me.” Austin said as he gritted his teeth as if he was in physical pain.

Sydney looked up at him. He was sitting only inches from her, but she could see the tightness in his muscles and the tension in his neck and shoulders. At first she thought about letting it go, not saying anything, just praying for him to come to know God through their relationship. But as she began to silently pray, she knew she could not hold her tongue.

“Austin, God has given you some wonderful gifts,” Sydney looked over at him trying to sense his thoughts, read his mind so to speak. It didn’t take a psychic to do that because it was written all over his face. HATE. He didn’t just dislike God, he HATED Him. Hated Him for taking Sonya away.

“God brought us together, He gave you to me and me to you. But more importantly, God gave you Lacey. He gave you a part of Sonya that will live on.” She shook her head wondering where the next words came from, knowing that it was from God, but not sure how Austin would take them. “Do you know how many spouses die and their partner wished they had a child, a piece of them to go on with, and they don’t have that. God gave you a miracle in Lacey. Accept that miracle and that love and know that God loves you.”

“I can’t and I won’t. God did not give me Lacey, Sonya and I made her in our love for each other.” Sydney noticed Austin would not even look at her. She wondered if that was because of the talk about God or the talk about him and Sonya in an intimate way.

“Everything good and perfect comes from God.” Sydney said in almost a whisper.

“And what about everything else? Did Satan take Sonya from me? Did some unknown force? Why didn’t God stop it? People were praying for her to be healed. She was praying to be healed and God did not heal her. No, no one is to blame but your God.” The last part was said with so much hate dripping off of it, the words actually frightened Sydney. She had never seen Austin like this.  

She didn’t know what to do. She sat there and prayed silently, ‘God help me get through to him.’ Silently she suddenly felt a comfort and peace about her. It wasn’t like she heard the words, but she suddenly felt God telling her, ‘This is not your battle. Give him to Me.’

Knowing she needed some space away from Austin, without looking at him, she stood up and went to push Lacey on the swing. ‘He needs space and time,’ Sydney thought and for the first time was glad she was heading back tomorrow.

*****

Austin sat on the blanket fuming. Why, when things were going so good between them, did Sydney have to bring up the one thing that he never wanted to talk about... God! The longer he sat there the more upset he became. Instead of letting her words wash over him, he stewed in them.

‘Everything good and perfect comes from god!’ he thought remembering Sydney’s words. How is cancer good or perfect? Yet his wife, his beautiful wife suffered and died.

The Bible also says, ‘By His stripes, we are healed.’ yet where was Sonya’s healing? Why was he hurting? Where was god when Lacey woke up with nightmares dreaming about her mother hooked up to tubes and gasping for breath? or when she dreamed about ‘Mommy’s lost, I need to find her.’ Those were the worst, the child could not go back to sleep after those dreams.

No! If there was a god, he didn’t care about Austin and Austin wouldn’t care about him!


******

By the time Sydney made it back over to the blanket fifteen minutes later, she could tell Austin was better, but was not completely over their argument. Truth be told, she wasn’t over it either. But, she listened to God and let it go, for now. Later, when they were alone, maybe she should let him know exactly how she feels.

They ate in pretty much silence, well as silent as a three year old could be, because she was the only one talking besides their brief answers to her questions.

Sydney hated the tension between them. She had always been the type of person to get it off her chest, tell you how she feels and then deal with it and move on. She could not sit here watching him think the whole conversation over and over again coming up with responses to all of her comments. It was killing her.

After eating, instead of playing, Austin announced that it was Lacey’s nap time soon and they needed to head back to the house. Sydney thought this was strange, because the yesterday while at the zoo Lacey skipped her nap.

Helping to pack the sandwiches, salads and fruit back into the picnic basket, Sydney thought that the tension needed to end soon. As they were folding up the blanket she reached over to touch his hand as they brought the corners of the blanket towards each other. Looking at him, she tried to look into his eyes, but they would not reach hers. He pulled his hand away.

Sydney did all she could do at that moment, she took Lacey’s hand and followed Austin to the car.

On the drive home, Austin would normally reach over and hold Sydney’s hand. Not on this trip, he kept his hands on ten and two, looking forward and drove straight home.

Once Lacey was tucked into her bed he returned to the living room finding Sydney throwing pillows around on the sofa.

“What are you doing?” He asked, not angry just trying to figure out what she was doing.

“I can’t find my keys.” Sydney said tossing another pillow and digging her hand down between the cushions.

“Why do you need your keys?” Austin asked digging his hands in his pockets.

“I’m going home. I can’t talk to you right now, you obviously don’t want to talk to me since you slammed up the Great Wall of China around yourself. I don’t deal well with being blocked out. So, I am giving you what you need... space.”

“Now you are an expert on what I need?” Austin said with a sigh.

“Yes, I thought I was getting there. But now I don’t know if I want to be!” Sydney was mad and the only thing she could think to do was get her keys and get out of there. She could drive to Heather’s and calm down before heading to Atlanta.

“Because we don’t agree on religion?” Austin was calm, he could tell Sydney was upset and wanted to try and defuse the situation as quickly as possible. He had plans for the evening, plans that would move their relationship to the next level, and this argument was not helping.

“It’s not religion we don’t agree on, that would be like I want to go to this church and you want to go to another. I could live with that. You hate God! You blame God! You have no relationship with him and quiet honestly I don’t know if I can live with that!”

“Syd, you are over reacting. No matter what I feel about God has nothing to do with our relationship and the fact that I love you and you love me.” Austin sat down on the sofa where Sydney was again looking for her keys, he tried to pull her down in his lap, but she backed away. “Come sit and let’s talk.” Austin was trying to be patient, but did not understand why she was overreacting like this.

Sydney blew the hair out of her face as she stood back up and looked at him for the first time, and then she noticed her keys sitting on the coffee table where Austin had put them when he pulled them out of his pocket. Picking them up she said, “God is a huge part of my life. Not just because of my job, but he is a part of ME. If you hate God, then you can not love me.”

“That is ridiculous.”

“Really?” Sydney said shaking her head, “So, what is going to happen if this works out between us and you forbid me from talking about God in our home? I can’t live like that. He is everything to me and I will not tuck him away just to make you or anyone else happy.” She picked up her purse and headed towards the door.

“Syd! Please don’t leave me.” Austin pleaded following her to the door. “I love you.”

Standing at the door with her hand on the doorknob she turned and said, “I love you too. But I can not get into a relationship with someone who is angry at God. Call me when you are over your anger and can realize what God has given you.”

“And if that doesn’t happen?” Sydney could see the anger growing in his eyes.

“Then goodbye.” Sydney stood on her tiptoes and kissed Austin on the cheek.

Before he could even realize what was happening she was out the door and heading to her car. That was when he realized he had not asked her the question.

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A/N - If pressed, would you stand up for your faith and what you believe in? Would you give up on the desire of your heart, walk away for what is right?