It was Monday morning and the weather was crisp and clear. The type of morning Sonya would have loved. Austin brought two cups of coffee with him. He had dropped Lacey off early with Emma Sue knowing he needed to have this conversation.
He had not been to see Sonya’s grave in over a week, just before leaving for his parents house for Thanksgiving. He normally came by two or three times a week just to talk to her and tell her about Lacey and what was going on in their lives. At first when he would come, he would just sit and cry until he had no more tears to shed.
Over time, he talked, and talked. He knew it was weird and would never tell anyone. Although he did bring Lacey every once in a while, on Sonya’s birthday and on Mother’s Day. They would put out flowers and talk about Sonya, just so Lacey would not forget. But normally it was just him here, sitting on the bench talking to her.
He walked up to the headstone and sat down the extra cup of coffee he had brought. It was more of a sentiment, he knew how she loved her caffeine in the morning. He sat still for a moment, enjoying the sounds of the birds that had not yet left for the winter.
“Hey Sunshine. I have missed you. I went home for Thanksgiving. Let’s just say that Lacey is spoiled.” He shook his head remembering the trip. “Mom and Dad loved having her there. I know your parents missed having us for Thanksgiving, but it was something I needed to do. They understood of course. They have always been great like that.”
He took a sip of coffee then began telling her about Lacey, “You should have seen her Babe, she looked so big sitting in that pedicure chair.” Austin chuckled, “She laughed the whole time saying how it tickled. Sydney,” Austin paused, he had never talked to Lacey about Sydney. “well, she was great with her. Helped her pick out the perfect color. It was her idea too, I don’t know if she was doing it for Lacey to have some girl time, or the fact that she wanted to see me get a mani-pedi.” Austin laughed again, “I swear Babe, I never thought I would like it. But I see why you liked getting pedicures all the time.”
“I don’t think I have laughed so hard since you have been gone. That day was so much fun. We just had a blast. I wish you could have seen Lacey showing off her manicure and pedicure to everyone she met.”
Austin sat there for a moment and thought, “I like her Sonya, I do and I don’t know what to do. She is funny and honest and beautiful.” What am I doing? “I love you Sunshine, I always will, and I am trying to fight this, but I am so drawn to her. I don’t know what to do.”
Austin took a deep breath. I went down there this time wanting to spend time with her, and I did. But a part of me hoped that Lacey would not like her. It would have made things so much easier. Babe, it was like Sydney had always known Lacey, and then...” tears brimmed in Austin’s eyes, he didn’t want to say this but knew that he had to tell her, he had to get it out to someone, “Lacey loves you, but she asked if Sydney could be her Mommy. I know she doesn’t understand,” tears came freely and he didn’t try to stop them this time, “but it hurt so much to hear her say that. Like she was forgetting you and I don’t want that.”
He wiped the tears from his face, “I am doing everything I can to keep you in her memory, and I don’t know if I can fight my attraction to Sydney any longer. I miss you so much. I feel lost without you. Should I stop my feelings for Sydney and just concentrate on raising our daughter the best I can? I don’t know...I just don’t know what to do anymore.”
We will get down there late Christmas night. I thought Lacey might like to see the Lights at Life? Would you like to go with us? We can do dinner before and afterwards hit your traditional Krispy Kreme. :-)