Song of Hope

Song of Hope - Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Sitting in her office Sydney’s cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and stopped the ring without picking it up. This brought tears to her eyes and made the wound on her heart rip open.

She told Austin not to contact her and she meant it. Telling him to never contact her again was the only thing she could do. She had to distance herself from him. It was hard enough that she thought of him constantly, even in her sleep.

Remembering the night Austin left her after she declared her love for him, she had promised that she would never think of him again. All the bravado of the moment was gone the next day when her heart was still broken and aching. The tears she had promised to never shed again, still streamed down her face every night as she clung to her pillow, alone in her bed.  

She loved him, she knew it was love this time and not the infatuation she had for Paul all those years. Her heart truly broke on New Years when he walked away from her. Turned his back and left her standing there after she told him that she loved him. The ache was still there, dulled slightly over the past few weeks, but still very much a part of her pain.

Not answering the call was an easy decision. If he was unable to leave her alone, she would help him.

She wondered if he would have called the next day, or maybe even two days later, would she have answered? She didn’t know, but maybe it would have been easier then. Now he was calling almost two weeks later? No, she would not answer his calls. If he could walk away from her and not think about her for two weeks, the least she could do was ignore his phone call.

Fifteen minutes later, her phone had rang three times, all from Austin. She had listened to the voice mail, all three of them, begging her to please pick up the phone and call him. That he needed to talk to her.

Sydney couldn’t help but wonder if she was doing the right thing? She couldn’t turn her emotions on and off like that. He’d been adamant that all he wanted was friendship. Sydney had lived through that with Paul. Sure, she and Paul were still friends, but they had a history from college that was stronger even today. And Paul had at least given it a shot, it was chemistry, like kissing your brother, that caused things not to work out with Paul.  

Austin was different! She loved him and when they did kiss on New Year’s the chemistry and passion were there. If it wasn’t, the pain in her heart might not be hurting so bad. It wasn’t just because she was lonely and wanted someone... anyone. NO! She wanted Austin! She gave him the chance to have her heart and he crushed it and walked away.

How could she ever forgive that?

Checking her email she noticed she had five new messages from Austin.

Syd,

I’m sorry! I miss you! Please forgive me?

Austin

No! Not going to happen!’ Sydney thought. She missed him too, but she couldn’t just be friends with him and that was all he ever really wanted.

Sydney,

I want to try and get through this. Please pick up your phone.

Austin

‘Get through what? The pain? Because that is all I feel. Leave me ALONE!!!’ Sydney’s mind was reeling. She could not do this again.

Sydney,

I was wrong. I shouldn’t have walked out on you. Please, let’s talk and work this out.

Austin

‘You bet you were wrong! No you shouldn’t have walked away! And I told you then if you walked away don’t come crawling back! So why are you now crawling back?’

Sydney,

I don’t want to go on without you. Please answer your phone!!! I am getting desperate here!!

Austin

‘Get as desperate as you want to buddy! I am not answering my phone or these emails. Eventually, you will get the picture!’

Sydney,

If you don’t answer your phone, I will get in the car and come see you!! I can’t take this anymore!! PLEASE ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!!

Austin

As she was reading the most recent email, her office phone rang, without thinking she picks it up, “Sydney Davis.”

“Syd,” Austin whispered, “Please don’t hang up.”

If Austin had been sitting in her office, he would have seen the steam coming off her head in waves. Not only was she upset at him for all the emails and calls, she was upset and hurting over the rejection.

“Austin, please don’t contact me any mo...”

Before Sydney could finish, Austin cut her off, “I think I am falling in love with you and I miss you so much.”

“Really? NOW you think you love me. Look Austin, I laid everything out on the line for you... for us and you trashed it and me in the process. No. I won’t listen to this anymore. Goodb...”

“Lacey misses you.”

“Cheap blow! Using your kid!”

“I miss you!”

“It took you almost two weeks to realize that?”

“Eleven days, fifteen hours and twenty minutes, and I have missed you for every one of them.”

“Eleven days, fifteen hours and twenty minutes too late!” Sydney replied with as much sarcastic bravado as she could muster.

“Don’t you know I hate myself for that! That I hate that I walked out on you. That Lacey truly does miss you! That I can’t get you out of my mind.” Austin was trying to pull out all the stops. He wanted her back more than he even realized while talking to Tucker. His life seemed incomplete without her in it.

“Why did you walk away. And I want the truth!” Sydney wasn’t going to let him slide on this, she was still furious and upset.

After a few minutes of silence Austin said, “I wasn’t sure I could do it. I wanted to honor Sonya and not let her go.”

“So, instead of loving me, you would rather cling to the memory of a dead woman. In Biblical times when someone would murder someone they had to carry around that body until it killed them too. That is what you are doing! You are not living, you are killing yourself carrying around the memory of a dead woman.” As soon as Sydney said it she cringed. She knew it was the wrong thing to say. So, she listened to the silence on the other end of the line, waiting for Austin to say something, anything.

“Sydney, I loved Sonya. She will always be a part of my life. I had thought that you could too...”

“I will not be a replacement for a dead wife!” Even though Sydney knew she should apologize for what she just said, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it! Not the way she was feeling now.

Very low, Austin whispered, “I wasn’t asking you to.” He took a deep breath, “I’m sorry for hurting you, but now I think we are even. Goodbye Sydney.”

Sydney could hear the pain in his voice as he hung up the phone. She knew she had gone too far. She wanted to hold him and tell him she was sorry. Tell him she loved him too. But instead she let her anger and emotions get in the way.

Leaning back in her office chair, she put her head back against the headrest, closed her eyes and cried.