Memoirs of a discontented teen

Chapter 5

After a really long day at the Louvre Museum we all got back to the hotel exhausted and hungry. I had avoided Jaheem for the entire day. I know I said that I had to talk to him but when I woke up that morning I woke up with a totally different mindset. The 'fuck it' kind. If Jaheem wanted to go around telling people that we're broken up then, fuck it. If he wants to be with Akexa after everything we've been through then, fuck it!

Tried to keep the thought of him out of my head but I couldn't help but entertain it from time to time. I can't blame him entirely for everything that's happening. I know Jaheem and I have a lot of issues and Saturday didn't fix any of them. What we did that day was akin to putting a band aid on a broken leg. I still felt ridiculous and awful about it but I was ready to forgive myself for my dumb ass mistakes and move on with my life.

My conversation with Asia sort of made me come to this realization. She literally said every single thing you're not supposed to say to a person who has just been dumped. She hit me with the, "He's an ass", "It's his loss", "You're too good for him", "You'll find someone better and the low blow, "He's not even that good looking". Deep down I know she's right and I'd probably say the same thing to her if I was in her shoes. But somethings missing. I know this is a clichè term but I'm lacking closure. I don't have that happy 'good riddance' feeling you're supposed to get when you get out of a bad relationship.

My issues aside though. For the first time in a very long time Asia was actually being a really good friend to me and it made me feel glad that we were still friends. After our talk we went through the pictures we took at the museum, adding filters and posting them on Instagram and Facebook just passing time before we had to go downstairs for diner.

The wait was worth it! We were served with Hachis Parmentier which is basically the French version of a Shepards Pie and for dessert we had an impeccable Crème Brûlée.

Jaheem was seated on a table across from mine. I stole glances at him from time to time, looking at him through my lashes. I watched him stuffing his mouth, sauce dripping from the sides. Did I accidentally fall in love with an animal instead of an actually human being? He looks so unattractive in that moment, like a loveless ape and not the picture of beauty he was when I first met him.

Jaheem and I are polar opposites. I'm organized and ambitious while he's more of a laid back, go with the flow kind of guy. We balance each other out! But there's an inequity of love. Wait what am I saying? It's probably nonexistent on his part now that we're done. And because we live in a messed up world I bet he'll turn into the person I always wanted him to be but with another lover on his arm enjoying the fruits of my labour.

I was the last person to leave the dinning hall because I wasn't paying attention to my food even though it was amazing! I saw Miss Thompson and Mr Solomon get up and leave to go to God knows where again. When I got to the third floor there was a party in full swing!

Darnell had somehow managed to sneak in bottles of Jameson and Tequila for everybody. Nobody asked questions that was just his thing but if you did all you would get was his trademark smirk. Not that I'm complaining or anything, that smirk plastered on his face always made him look undeniably attractive.

The party was in his room. The door was left ajar and I saw him turning up the volume on the stereo. Ayo by Chris Brown and Tyga was playing. He smiled at me, picked up a half empty bottle of Jameson and two small glasses and started walking to me. It was a little funny and awkward watching him make his way towards me because the room was crowded and he had to say 'Excuse me' to at least half a dozen people to get through.

The world fell away, drained of all color but him, standing in the hallway with me. Darnell had broken up with his long-term girlfriend Jessica just days before the trip. I can't help but have a minor crush on the newly minted bachelor. Too soon? Probably. But the heart wants what the heart wants. We took shot after shot of the Jameson and talked, leaning into each other's ear and whispering softly in a flirtatious way.