Memoirs of a discontented teen

Chapter 3

" It's not hard to make decisions
when you know what your
values are."
                               Roy Disney

Yesterday was a mistake. I feel ashamed for letting him get close enough to kiss me, to touch me..

Flashback
Jaheem's hand cupped the back of my head and pulled me towards him untill his lips met mine, his
mouth bruising me as he kissed me roughly. "I can make you happy." , the words escaped his pure soft lips. Slowly he bent forward and laid me down on the
bed . I could smell his body
fragrance and I could feel his perfect abs through his shirt as he'd left no space inbetween us. Jaheems hands ran down inner thighs as his lips met my neck again. I moaned with pleasure and threw my head back. It was my guilty pleasure I didn't want him to stop but I knew it wasn't right. "Jaheem, stop.", I pleaded breathlessly as he ignored me and continued to bite and suck my neck till it hurt . I let out an involuntary moan and he chuckled into my neck . "Sounds to me like you don't really want me to stop." His hands work my zip open and I halfheartedly push him off me and try to catch my breath."
Flashback Over.

Jaheem and I have never gone past second base. We've been dating for seven months and almost everyone I know has given it up quicker.

Its not that I'm waiting for a big flashy sign from the universe to tell me when to have sex with him I just feel like I'm not ready. He knows that I'm a virgin and it doesn't seem to bother him and that's making me worry now.

What if he's been hooking up with different girls for the past 7 months because he knew he wouldn't get some from me? What if Lorraine is the only person who had a heart to tell me and Jaheem is only sorry because he got caught?

I feel disgusted with myself. I look out the window to the outside rear view mirror and adjust his hoodie that I "borrowed" so that it covers my hickie. I turn to look at my mum and she's completely focussed on the road. I wonder if I should tell her about Jaheem but she's not his biggest fan.

Literally all the red flags are up right now! Neither my mum nor my friends like him, why can't I just let him go? I feel like a part of myself has been missing for a while now and I'm not making the right decisions for me. I need to stop playing the wallflower game and get my shit together quick!

My mum likes Carlos though, my bestfriend. She thinks we'll confess our love to each other one day, get married and she can have cute half black, half Hispanic grand babies. If only she knew that Carlos was playing for a different team.

At that thought I just burst out laughing uncontrollably. "Excited much?", asked mum. I just nod my head in agreement. I didn't even realize that we'd arrived at the airport. I check my watch, we're right on time, flight leaves in about forty minutes.

I already checked in online so all I have to do is head straight to the waiting room. This feels so unreal I can't believe I'm going to Paris!

I have been dreaming of this day ever since I started school at Rosewood High. The trip to France was a treat from the school for seniors to clear their heads before they start preparing for final exams. It was a 5 day all expenses paid for trip. There were 15 of us and we would be accompanied by two senior teachers, Miss Thomson and Mr Solomon. The fifteen included:

Shawn, he has a muscular thinned body and stood at 6 feet and 4 inches. He's a shooter for the schools basketball team and is often compared to the Golden State Warriers shooter Stephen Curry. Shawn is a Triple A that means he excels in Academics, Athletics and Arts. He does community service and a lot of after school activities. He's very ambitious. He also has a crush on Malia, they're relationship is adorable but Malia only sees him as a friend.