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useless | sugawara koushi

ravenclaw!reader

ravenclaw!sugawara

hogwarts!au

year 0

Your name was (f/n)(l/n), and you had a summer tradition.

Every Saturday, you would wait for the tawny owl that brought a neatly-sealed letter, read it, and pen a message back.

His name was Sugawara Koushi, a second year Ravenclaw at Hogwarts and the pureblood son of a family friend. You had only ever seen him once in your life, but you didn't even need that. His words were beautiful enough to pull you in for more.

year 1

Ravenclaw, the hat said. You wondered if it was wrong.

Your first year taught you that you were insecure and that you needed reassurances for every move you made. For this, you went to Koushi. Koushi, the silver-haired rock that held you firmly to this earth and kept you from flying away like a panicked bird.

He saved you, and you were forever grateful.

year 2

That year, you thought you were useless. You asked Koushi if you were a burden.

He spoke a firm no, the words of a god with that beautiful curve of his lips, and you found it within yourself to smile back at him.

You longed to be like him.

year 3

Your hard work finally paid off.

You were one of the most skilled and talented wizards in the year.

But you weren't happy.

You asked Koushi why this was so, and he told you that you must still be missing something. A final piece that you needed.

year 4

That year, you learned that you loved him more than anything ever before. You loved him with a yearning passion that hovered on the edge of your consciousness when you went to sleep. He was what you were missing.

You didn't know if you were worthy.

Koushi was a shining deity that obscured everything around him when he was before you. You were only a small, insignificant speck that was visible only when he stood behind you.

So that year, you tried to shut him out.

Impossible.

year 5

It was the most glorious year of your short existence.

You learned that he loved you too, and that your life was about to come crashing down around you.

You were dying from a hereditary disease.

year 6

it's incurable, they said. it's impossible to treat.

you can do it, Koushi said. i believe in you. i love you.

i hope so, you replied.

you can't do it, they echoed. you can't do it.

you didn't have a seventh year.  

A/N: for a contest on dA