Forbidden Love

Chapter 22

My heart squeaks at the sound of his voice. 'I'm so in love with you'. The words repeat in my mind, my body feeling all fuzzy and weak. I hated him for saying those words, but I also loved him for saying it. I always knew there was something there between us, but both of us were afraid of saying, especially me. How can I tell him I feel the exact same when I know we can't be together?

I almost felt bad that he said it before I did, but I knew I would never had told him not even by accident. I don't move, I don't talk, hell I don't even breathe. Everything is silent, apart from my beating heart, that sounds like fireworks. It burns knowing that I can't repeat the words myself, that I can't let him know he isn't alone in this. I feel like I've known I liked him a while now, all those confusing feelings that I felt, I now know the answer - it was love. Forbidden love.

"I told you not to fall in love with me."

"I am so so so in love with you, you have no idea." Nathaniel says in almost a whisper, like he was forcing the words out of his mouths.

I don't say anything, still stand there frozen.

"I want you so bad." He says with a wide grin spreading across his face, the corners of his eyes creased and his eyes lit with happiness. So would mine, but I was to surprised. But my heart on the other hand was doing jumping jacks.

"Do you ever think everything that we could be, when you're alone?" He asks, his voice sounds like he is a kid, that just found out Santa's going to be coming tonight. "Come on, are you holding back, like the way you do about everything?" My breath hitches at each word, each word hitting me right in the heart.

He comes closer to me and reaches for my hand, his fingers brush against mine but I move it so his fingers slip through. Even if we touched for a split second, it felt more intriguing and fierce then when you touch fire. It was indescribable.

His smile completely fades when I move my hand from him, and step back a little. I think it was only now that he realised I wasn't smiling, I was excited by his news, well my face wasn't excited but I know sure as hell there was a party going on inside.

"Has it ever crossed your mind, when we're chilling and spending time that are we just friends? Or could it be more? You have thought about it once?" He says weakly, almost fighting his case like he was going to lose me.

"You...you can't say that!" I say harshly. "Why did you say that for! You ruined everything!" I say with a cracked voice defensively.

He blinks at me, taken back by what I said. "Wh-what? I'm sorry. What did I do?" He says in a soft voice, almost sounding sad.

"You ruined our friendship that's what." I say quietly, trying to make myself believe he was not right for me, that he had ruined everything. But everything inside me kept telling me otherwise.

"You're lying." He says letting out a soft laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.

"What?" I ask, with my face tensed and emotionless. The anger inside me was growing and growing, and it would fuse any moment now and I will lash out in front of him, and I really did not want that, it wasn't his fault I couldn't love him. It's not like he purposely made me fall in love with him.

"I see the way you look at me, the way you act around me, I know you feel it too. We have a connection, an unspeakable one and you know it. Admit it." He says in a more confident tone, his relaxed body posture had turned tensed and straight, only making me feel worse than I did.

I ruined his happy moment.

I didn't know what to say to him, he was completely right. Now come to think of it, I did look at him like he was the moon glistening dark blue sky, while I was a rock in the river. I looked at him like he had the most stunning smile anyone could be blessed with, not to mention how attractive his personality was, it was far from average or original, it was just perfect.