SI BOY- MAKAHIYA (Completed)

Chapter Sixty Six - Drake

was awake 3 months after that most tragic day of my life. I never thought I could recover and move on. Akala ko wala na akong rason para gumising ulit. I'm dead! Emotionally brain dead. I couldn't stand up again, couldn't walk, couldn't eat, couldn't even breath without her. She's my life, my world, my everything! Without her how can I live? Paano ko ipagpapatuloy ang buhay ko na siya lang naman ang nagpapatakbo nito. I love her. I love her so damn much that I could kill myself just to be with her again.

Oo, mahina ako, duwag at takot. And that very day, the day she leaves me is the day I die actually. So I close all the doors to anyone, even my own consciousness. I lock them all. Nagising ako pero wala na akong nararamdaman. Thinking I live each day without her make me want to sleep forever.

I give up! I choose to give up! Nabuhay ako sa isang madilim, puno ng kalungkutan at panghihinayang na mundo. Walang ibang nakikita kundi siya na unti-unting nawawala sa buhay ko. Until one day, I felt pain once again at natakot ako bigla dahil nandito na naman ang sakit. I woke up. I woke up to a strange yet dull world in front of me. Bumalik lahat, lahat-lahat. Namalayan ko na lang na ibat'ibang therapy at gamot na pala ang pinagdaanan ko. Ibat'ibang sakit at libo-libong tanong ang nasa isaip ko.

Tiffany was always at my side the whole time I suffered like hell. Wala akong matandaan at hindi ko alam kung nasan ako o kung gaano na katagal na hindi ko siya nakikita. I don't even understand what was happening to me and I think I'm going crazy without Angella.

Until I met James, my older brother. He's sick, kidney failure. I never knew I had a brother. Galit na galit ako kay daddy sa lahat ng ginawa niya lalong-lalo na nung nalaman kong James was my brother in his first wife. Bakit hindi ko alam yun? What's worse is that since kid James was diagnose on such illness. I never understand why dad kept him away with his condition. Nagkaroon pa ako ng chance na makilala siya pero isa yun sa mga bagay na gusto kong burahin sa alaala ko.

James was so sick that he can't even stand-alone though he smiles like everytime. Walang ibang nakakaalam na anak siya ni dad aside from our relatives. Pero galit ako sa kanya, galit ako sa daddy ko at galit ako sa buong mundo. Palagi lang akong nakatingin sa kawalan dahil pagod na akong mag-isip sa mga bagay-bagay. James scream my name pero hindi ko siya pinakinggan. I just want to be alone, walang kausap at walang estorbo.

" DRAAAAAKKEEEEE...." I still heard his voice, begging and screamed for his life. But I choose not to listen, not to feel anything. Right there, he dies. I was the one who killed him. Nakatatak na sa utak ko na ako ang pumatay sa kanya ng makita ko siyang hindi na humihinga. Once again, I lose my senses. Natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili ko sa isang ospital dahil sa pilit kong kinikitil ang sariling buhay. I lost everything! Walang-wala na ako. Ayukong maiwan, takot akong mabuhay ulit ng mag-isa.

But whatever I did, I'm still alive. Paulit-ulit akong nabubuhay sa mundong gusto ko ng takasan. Dad tried to manipulate me again, sending me to school pero wala ring nangyari. He's always mad and I'm starting to hate every inch of him. Though yaya Tasing was with me still I found nothing to hold on to. Naging busy rin si Tifany kaya nawalan ako ng communication sa kanya. I can't stand on my own without her kaya lumayas ako at sinundan siya sa las vegas. Pero kahit anong gawin ko hindi ko na kayang mabuhay ulit ng normal.