thirty-nine: idiocy
"So, are you going to tell me what happened?" Harry asks Louis later that same night. The twins were put to bed just an hour or so ago and Louis had yet to still say a word to Harry. They were sitting in the kitchen, Louis was cleaning up the dishes from dinner while Harry was just watching him. He'd been trying to talk to Louis ever since Zayn left, but Louis wasn't even acknowledging the fact that he was talking to him.
"You know, it's unfair for me to say what you said. You know that I'm not comfortable being seen as the father of the boys. Don't get me wrong, I love them to death... but they aren't my sons. They're Zayn's. Yeah, maybe I've been here for a while but honestly Lou, you know I'm not even close to being their father." Harry says quietly, still earning no reaction whatsoever from Louis. He was growing tired of this, but at the same time he knew that Louis would only talk if Louis wanted to. It wasn't up to Harry what Louis said.
"He's trying, Louis. He wants to be there for the kids, you know he does... He's changed too. You might not be able to see, but just him being here... He was there when Nathan called me dad, he could've blown up on me and done something he regretted... but he didn't. He knows he messed up, he's accepted that... but he's trying to move past it, but you're not letting him." Harry says quietly, finally getting a reaction from Louis.
"I know he's trying and I know he's trying to move past everything... It's me this time, Harry. It's f ucking me who's messing it all up and it's because I'm an idiot. Who in their right mind sleeps with their ex?" Louis whispers the last part, looking up at the ceiling as he blinked back tears. He felt sick to his stomach and all he wanted to do right now was curl up into a ball and cry. He felt like he was losing control of everything around him, like the world was being ripped right underneath his feet. He was so confused, and he hated it.
"You what?" Harry is looking at Louis with wide eyes, completely taken by surprise. He never would've thought that Zayn and Louis would do that one time, let alone twice.
"We slept together while you were gone, he came over one night and told me that he still had feelings for me... after he told me he'd just broken up with his current boyfriend. He told me that he loved me back then and I just... I kissed him. I kissed him and one thing lead to another, next thing I know I'm waking up in my bed with him in the shower... It was too much like the first time, Harry. Then... He asked me what I wanted this to lead to and... and I'm the one to tell him it was no strings attached. It was just a one time thing... I threw his words right back into his face. I know he's changed, Harry. I know he has, but I'm terrified that it's all for show again." Louis lets out in a rush, finally starting to cry as he finishes speaking. It sounded so much worse when he said it out loud.
"What do you mean again?" Harry asks, his voice quiet and soothing but it wasn't helping Louis right now. For some reason he needed someone to yell at him, to tell him that he was being an idiot or something. He didn't like this.
"I don't f ucking know, okay Harry?! I don't know what I mean by again, I don't know why the hell I even kissed him. I'm so confused right now that I can't even think, and having him around isn't helping along with your constant questions. I just want things to go back to the way they were, before Zayn came back and before I ignored my brain." Louis whispers, his voice cracking and Harry watches as his friend slowly falls apart. Harry doesn't know what to do, mainly because he wasn't used to Louis breaking down like this. He wasn't used to Louis telling him exactly what he was feeling. He was at a loss, he didn't know how to help.
"Lou..."
"I hate this, Harry. I hate all of this. I hate the fact that I feel like everything is going downhill and that it's my fault. I shouldn't have been so stupid." Louis looks up at the ceiling again, pulling at his hair as he tries to take a deep breath.
"Louis, everyth-" Harry starts but Louis interrupts him before even got the chance to consider finishing his sentence. Louis was glaring at Harry, almost like he was daring Harry to tell him what he was going to stay.
"Don't. Don't say everything's going to be okay, it's not going to be okay. It was never going to be okay. As soon as Zayn and I slept together in the first place, everything just went to hell. I shouldn't have agreed in the first place, this is my fault." Louis whispers, biting down on his bottom lip before walking out of the kitchen. Harry stared after him, completely confused as to why he just walked out. Harry followed Louis out, even more surprised when he saw Louis grabbing his coat and car keys.
"Where are you going?"
"To set things right."
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I don't know what I'm doing.
I swear to god.
I cry
Anyways dedication goes to Larry_Is_Not_Real
QOTC: where do you guys think Louis is going?
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Connie xx
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Style (zouis mpreg)(book one)
Fanfiction"The world is filled with flashing lights and pretty smiles. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe they were all fake? That's the thing about you and me, we're nothing more than what those flashing lights say we are. We know the truth, but no on...
