Imagination is the key (stefan, Damon love triangle)

Chapter Sixty-Two

Life has a way of throwing the unexpected in your face. Things you would have never dreamed of happening, happening. And this is great example of just that. Everyone hates funerals. They're sad and depressing and I never know what to say to anyone. Mostly, I found I'd rather be alone. Isolated from everyone else so that I could grieve my own way, how I wanted to. But how was I going to be able to get through this today? Nothing over the last few days could have prepared me for this. It shouldn't have been Jenna.

As harsh and sad as it may be, over the last couple of weeks I'd been gradually getting used to that fact that Elena might die in this sacrifice, that there may be nothing that I or anyone could do. And I feel shameful to admit that I had accepted that. If Elena were to have been killed, I would have been able to deal, because a part of me would have always known that it was a possibility; there might not have been anything we could have done to prevent it. I would have tried, I'm not saying I wouldn't have, because if it came down to it, I would have easily died trying. But it's the fact that no one else should have died. But yet, here I am, guardian-less. Again.

Jenna was so innocent when it came to this world. She had only begun to grasp at the edges of the supernatural, she still knew next to nothing. So I wonder how she felt being forced into accepting Vampirism for just a small fraction of time, just to be slaughtered in a sacrifice. I couldn't seem to be able to wrap my mind around it. When I was told, I didn't want to accept it; I still don't but there's nothing to be done about it. Aunt Jenna's dead, just like both set parents.

I looked up at my reflection in my full length mirror. My blue eyes were bloodshot -I guess and a whole night of crying would do that to you- and my skin was sickly pale. And I didn't just look sick. I felt it. Deep in my stomach. It twisted and churned unnaturally. I didn't want to go today. I've never been a big believer in funerals. I don't really get the concept. The person's already dead, they don't know what's going on, so why do people have to all gather around and watch it being buried. I want nothing more than to hide away from everyone for a while, lie in bed and just lay there in silence. I want to pretend that everything around me doesn't exist anymore, that I'm here all alone, because that way; what's left to hurt me? I just want a few days where I can finally be alone and grieve my losses without feeling like everyone is constantly breathing down my neck. Being asked if I'm alright or if I need anything, to me, just makes it all worse. The questions are pointless and the answer is always going to be lies. But it's laughable at how often people don't notice when you plaster a smile on your face.

A short knock on the door, forced me to drag my eyes away from the mirror. The door creaked open and Jeremy's head poked inside.

"Can I come in?"

I nodded and he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He stood silently by the door for a few moments, no words were exchanged between us.

"Elena's nearly ready," he finally said, breaking the awful silence.

"Okay," I replied quietly. And again, silence lapsed over us. I sighed. "What do you need, Jeremy?"

"We wanted to know how you were doing. You haven't left the room since yesterday morning."

"We?"

Jeremy paused for a moment and then reluctantly nodded. "Everyone's here."

"So, I take it we're all supposed to be going together then?" I said bitterly. Didn't me ignoring them kind of indicate that I wanted to be left alone?

"We thought that it would be easier."

"For who?"

Jeremy sighed. "You're doing it again."