How To Be Straight

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CHAPTER 37

       [ Derek ]

"Are you still not talking to me?" I faintly heard Calvin whisper in my ear. I tuned him out and stared straight ahead, seeming to be oddly intrigued by the toy train station set placed on the coffee table in front of me. Two little boys circled around the table, calling each other names as they fought over which train car was the best.

It must have been nice to not have a single care in the world, because all I could think about was Nicolas and how he slipped through my hands and how he-

"Derek," Calvin said again, grabbing onto my hand. "Please talk to me."

I ripped my hand from his hold and continued to stare into space, refusing to say a single word.

I felt Calvin's eyes on me. "Derek, I don't like seeing you like this. Say something funny or something ridiculously stupid." He grabbed my hands again and rubbed his thumbs over my knuckles. "I promise, it'll make you feel better."

With my jaw clenched tight, I turned my head to face him. "Nothing is going to make me feel better," I said in a dry, tone. "I let go of him. Now all I can see is him falling through the air and his head cracking on the cement and blood - tons of blood - everywhere."

Calvin sighed. "He's fine, Derek."

"That's not the point," I snapped at him, my voice rising a little. "He's fine because you were there. Can you imagine what would've happen if you weren't such a stubborn shit and you actually stayed put when I told you to? He could've died! I could've killed him."

Calvin's grey eyes narrowed into two thin slits, challenging my statement. "Stop that. Nicolas made his own decision when he tried to jump off the roof. You had nothing to do with that. You were trying to save him. Stop making yourself the bad guy."

"But I-"

"Shut up, Derek," he spat. "You didn't kill him. Stop worrying."

I pressed my lips together and fell silent, not because of what Calvin said to me, but because I didn't feel like talking to him anymore.

Nicolas may have been able to survive the fall, but that didn't stop my mind from thinking about what could've happened. All I wanted to do was give that bastard a piece of my mind for hurting Calvin. I didn't expect to see the entire ice cream shop kick into frenzy over a mysterious boy standing at the edge of the roof. Everyone was freaking out and calling the police, but no one was doing anything. I tried to do what was right, but I was too late.

Even though Calvin kept reassuring me that everything was fine, I wasn't fine. I witnessed something that I never thought I would see in my lifetime. My heart was still beating a mile a minute from the experience. The ironic thing was that I had only gotten into that situation because of Calvin. Because he had some sick need to put himself in danger. Because he never wanted to listen to anyone. I had experienced the utmost amount of drama ever since Calvin re-entered my life and even though I truly, truly loved him, I couldn't be with him if this was going to be our new life now.

Letting my thoughts overwhelm me, I blurted out, "I can't do this."

Calvin snapped his eyes to mine. "What? Can't do what?"

"Us," I said softly.

His brows furrowed in confusion. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"This relationship isn't working and you-" I brought my eyes to his cloudy ones and it damn near killed me to see the hurt look on his face, "-you need help, Calvin. I don't know why you make all the stupid decisions that you do, or why you felt like lying to me just so you can hang out with Nicolas was the right thing to do. It wasn't and because of it, he hurt you and he tried to hurt himself. I can't be around someone like that, Calvin. I'm going to worry about you all the time."

It didn't take long for tears to well in his eyes. "Derek, I never meant to make you mad. I was just trying to make everything okay again. I'm sorry. I don't want to break up. I'll stop doing stupid stuff, I promise, just please-"

Calvin's words were drowned out by the sound of his mother's concerned voice echoing throughout the waiting room. She rushed over to Calvin's side and threw her arms around him in a tight embrace. I didn't think she noticed that he was on the verge of sobbing and I didn't think she cared. She was just happy that her son was alive and well, so I took that opportunity to slowly lift myself up from the chair and make my way out of the hospital.

Just when I approached the main exit, I contemplated whether or not I should look at him one last time. I decided against it, knowing that it would only break my heart more, and walked out. I sulked out of the sterile building and approached the black car waiting for me alongside the curb.

Almost simultaneously, Mike got out of the car and ran to me, his eyes wide with concern. "Dude, what the hell happened? Are you okay? Where's Calvin?" I didn't have much motivation to answer his probing questions, but Mike took that to be a nonverbal response. "Oh my god. Is Calvin okay?"

I nodded shortly. "He's fine."

"Then why the hell are you at the hospital?" he questioned. "And why the hell do you look like that?"

I was usually a tough guy. I had broken so many girls' hearts without as much as a second thought. I was mean to people for no apparent reason other than it was fun to do. I never let anyone's opinions of me sway my mind. I couldn't have cared less about what people thought of me. Yet, here I was, on the verge of tears because I had just seen someone almost fall to their untimely death. I didn't even like Nicolas. I shouldn't have been feeling the way I did about his near-death experience.

"Derek, talk to me. What's going on?"

I couldn't find any words to say, so I just let my body collapse onto him and cried. He responded by instinctively wrapping his arms around me and trying his best to comfort me, but he wasn't really that good at it. "Whoa, dude. You can't just break down on me without telling me what happened."

I shook my head and pulled away from the hug, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand. "I need to go home. Please just take me home."

His clear blue eyes darted back and forth between mine as he still tried to piece together what was happening, but he eventually nodded. "Okay, but you're gonna have to tell me eventually." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and helped me into the car, shutting the door after me before circling around to the driver's side.

And for the entire drive, I cried my eyes out.

**

a/n: I'm super duper sorry that this update is short but I'm really trying to find the perfect way to end this story. And I really wanted Derek to have his own emotional moment since he doesn't really get sad often. But fear not, I should be able to have another update within the next three days.

I've finally decided what the next book is going to be called. It's How To Be A ... wait for it ... wait for it ... You ready? Virgin! My primary goal is to make it way less dramatic than this story (because let's face it, I kinda overdid it on the drama) and make it way more comedic.

If you liked this short chapter, then please leave a vote and a wonderful little comment. It'll make my day.

Until next time,
Lara <3