Living The BDSM Life

Chapter 36

Justin

I'm sitting here looking at the twins who are laying in bed slowly falling asleep. I notice how Derek looks so much like Monica and it hurts a little but I continue to smile because at least I have my boys.
I sit and watch as their breathing slows into a pattern that tells me they are asleep before walking out into my own room grabbing my pencils and paper.

I look at the sheet of blank paper and notice that since Monica left I haven't been able to write music which has gotten a little aggravating since that's my favorite thing about being a music artist is that I get to be myself through writing my own material.
I put them down on the bedside table as Jaxon walks into my room.

"Hey buddy you okay?" I ask him knowing that normally he'd be asleep about now.

"Yeah I came to check on you." He says rubbing his eyes.

"I'm okay so why don't you go ahead and lay down?" I look at him before he nods and walks out.
I then get up and go to the kitchen and open up the drawer where all of the silverware is. I reach in grabbing a knife looking at how sharp it is then look at my bare arm.
I slowly raise the knife placing it on my wrist before sliding it across my skin.

I whimper out from the pain but notice the blood so I walk over to the sink and do it once more until I'm satisfied with my work.
I watch as the blood filters into the drain disappearing from my sight.
I look around for a rag and press it against the scars grimacing before walking back to my room.
I slide on a sweatshirt and crawl into bed as the skin on my arm stings from the touch of fabric.

"I'm broken." I mumble into the pillow that my head lays on and grab another.

"I'm broken and I'm a mess." I mumble into the pillow.
I look around the room seeing the blank walls and the empty side of the bed wishing Monica were here.
I look around noticing how empty and alone I feel.
Sometimes I have thought that maybe she didn't want me or the kids. If I hadn't requested her maybe all this would be different.