emotions (phan)

eighteen

"Dan," Phil murmured as we were watching TV with Chris.

"Hm?" I looked over at our intertwined hands.

"Did you ever tell your parents about your emotions coming back?"

My eyes widened. "Shit."

"I'll take that as a no- but you should tell them."

"Mum told me she hated me the last time I called her."

"She didn't mean that," Chris piped in. "She'll change her attitude when she sees you've got your own again."

I exhaled, nodding. "They live three hours away and it's already half past five, so Phil and I will have to stay the night. . . do you want to come?"

"I think I'll just stay here. I'm not the type for sappy family stuff. Besides, somebody needs to hold up the flat for you."

I nodded, Phil and I standing to pack our things. Once packed I walked over to Chris, hugging him tightly to my chest.

"You sure you don't wanna come?" I asked him, not wanting him to be alone.

"I'm fine, Dan. Really."

I exhaled but ruffled his hair, saying goodbye. Phil and I left, hopping into my car and beginning to drive. Phil reached over after noticing my anxiety, snaking his fingers through mine and squeezing my hand reassuringly. "You'll be alright."

I nodded nervously and we drove the rest of the way in silence until we parked in their driveway, everything looking the same from the last time I was here. I leaned my head on the steering wheel, tears threatening to fall as I gripped the leather tightly. Phil kissed my shoulder. "What is it?"

I sniffled. "It's just a lot of memories."

He nodded and got out the car, walking around to open my door and reach his hand out. I took it, shakily rising to my feet. Our hands didn't leave each other's as we walked up to the front door, my heart pounding in my chest like the bass of a drum at a concert.

I raised my free hand and knocked. I watched as a figure came to the door and held my breath, letting it out when the door opened to reveal my mother.

Silence. That's all that came after she opened the door. Her jaw dropped and eyes watered, hand covering her mouth in awe. "D-Daniel," She stuttered out.

"Mom," I breathed, my voice sounding like a broken vinyl player.

She looked down at our intertwined hands and then locked eyes with me, throwing her arms around me. I hugged her back, my hand leaving Phil's to rest on her back. She cried in my arms, squeezing me tightly as if it were going to be the last time. Her hands pet the back of my hair like she used to when I was little and had a nightmare.

"What's going on?" A man called from inside. He then appeared, revealing the face of my father. His jaw dropped and he dropped to his knees, tears immediately streaming from his eyes. "Dan? You're back."

I nodded and I crawled to hug him, mum joining in. We all cried on each other, happiness filling up every cell in my body.

"Hurry in, it's freezing. Who's your handsome friend?" My mother asked after we stood up and pulled away.

"Mum, dad, this is Phil. He's my boyfriend."

My father shook his hand, but my mom was completely different, instead grabbing him and pulling him in a for a hug. Phil gasped but then chuckled, hugging her back.

"He's adorable!" Mum gushed, booping my boyfriend's nose. I blushed, Phil only giggling.

"Mum, please this is embarrassing!"

"And look at his eyes! They're like the ocean!" She continued, standing on her tippy toes to stare into his eyes. Dad groaned behind me.

"Mum-"

"And he's so tall, just look at-"

"Mum!" I whined. She laughed, ruffling my hair. Phil flashed me a lopsided grin, thanking her.

"It's okay. Your mum's a beautiful woman too," Phil charmed.

"Oh stop it, you!" Mum blushed. Dad raised an eyebrow.

"Don't worry, I'm gay." Phil told him, crossing his heart. I burst out laughing, kissing his cheek.

"I'd hope so," I mocked. He giggled, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth. My dad chuckled and we walked into the livingroom, mum leaving to make us coffee and dad leaving to take me and Phil's bags.

Afterwards mum brought in the coffee and handed one to me and Phil, then to my father who came back downstairs and sat on the couch next to his wife.

"So what had you turn them back on?"

"He did," I replied honestly, pointing to Phil. They tilted their heads, confused, obviously expecting more elaboration on the situation. "I met Phil and at first we didn't get along, but somehow our hatred towards each other morphed into something much better: love. I found myself hoping to see him everyday and loving hanging out with him, and I noticed how much I adored the little things about him. Like how his eyes crinkle at the sides when he laughs, how he always has to sleep on the right side of any bed, how he only likes to shower at night, how his nose twitches when he's confused- little things like that. I fell in love with him. I am in love with him."

I looked over at Phil to see him smiling at me. He kissed my forehead, reaching an arm around to rest it on my shoulders.. I immediately leaned into the touch. "When I was about to turn them back on, it wouldn't work. So we went to a specialist and he told me that I had waited too long. So after that I had to get back every single emotion one by one, and Phil helped me through all of it. Then I called up Chris, and he came back to live with me. And we talked about PJ and-" I cut myself off.

PJ.

Oh god, PJ. Phil looked down sadly.

"What? What's wrong?" Mum asked. I shook my head, my lip quivering. Phil understood that I didn't want to tell them, so he did for me.

"Mrs. Howell, Mr. Howell. . . PJ. . . He passed away. He had lung cancer and that's why he left Dan. He turned off his emotions the night he found out and, thinking the only way he could save Dan from the pain, told Dan that he never loved him and left him. No, he was never in love with Chris, he just wanted to make Dan stay away from him and hate him. But obviously that didn't go as planned. A day before Christmas he passed away in the hospital."

A single tear ran down my cheek. My parents sighed.

"He was such an amazing kid. I knew he wouldn't hurt you like that without any reasoning," My father responded. I simply nodded, wiping my eyes with my jumper sleeve. "At least he's out of his misery."

"But, uh, yeah. . . that's when sadness clicked in, and then I felt everything. Then I had met this couple. Troye and Connor. I met them at a club and their friend Tyler had his emotions off, but he has them on now-"

"Because Dan helped him!" Phil blurted. My mother smiled.

"You've always been one to help people. No matter what. Even when your sister, Audrey- you were young when it happened, maybe three or four. She had fallen off her bike and you used your blankie to wrap around her leg, then you kissed her leg and told her it was okay. I'll never forget that day- that's when I knew you'd turn out to be an amazing man. And I was right."

My father nodded. "We knew you'd do great things. You'd make a big impact on someone's life, be an energetic warrior. You've always been quick to love or hate. We're just so happy we have you back."

I smiled and we jumped at the sound of a door opening. We turned, and I shot up from my seat, my eyes locking with the brown ones in the doorway.

"Dan?"