emotions (phan)

eight

"Phil, I can explain-"

"Explain what? That you do drugs?" Phil snared.

"I've gotten better, hell that's new, I haven't done anything since-"

"You still did it before! Dan, it's not healthy! Maybe you don't care about your health, but I do." He then stomped over to my window and opened it up, chucking the bag out into the night. "I know it won't screw with your physical health, but emotionally it will."

"What the hell!" I growled. "Phil, I-"

"I'm tired of you beating yourself up all the time-"

"I-" I began.

"I'm just trying to help you-"

"Phil!" I yelled, cutting him off.He snapped out of it to frown at me. "It's not that."

"What is it then?"

"I want to turn them back on," I blurted. "My emotions, I want them back."

The room went silent. "If you're joking I'm gonna throw you out the window just like I did with that bag."

"I'm not joking."

He exhaled, running his hands through his hair. "Are you sure about this?"

I nodded. "I just want you to be here."

Phil sighed. "I will." I sat back down on the bed and he took my hand.

Here it goes.

I shut my eyes, remembering every bad thing that ever happened to me. Remembering the good things. Small memories that turned into big ones, and big ones that turned into small ones. Good ones that were replaced with bad, and bad that was replaced with good.

I opened my eyes and blinked.

"I don't get it," I murmured. "I don't understand."

"Dan?" Phil blinked.

"I-I- nothing happened, I don't understand! That's supposed to work!" I cried. I shut my eyes and tried again. And again. And again. "Why isn't it working? Phil, why can't I feel anything?"

Phil looked at me sadly. "You waited too long," he whispered. I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"What?"

"When somebody has their emotions off for too long, their mind gets used to only those feelings that they show. You can't turn your feelings back on on command."

My jaw dropped. "Then what the hell am I supposed to do?" I asked, standing up. He didn't reply, he just grabbed my hand and led me to his car, taking me to a doctor.

"You have to turn all of them back on yourself. Each emotion by each. Then once you've felt every emotion: sadness, love, lust, anger, joy, happiness, fear, and guilt- you'll be able to turn your feelings back on."

"Are you sure this will work?" Phil asked. The specialist nodded.

"Same thing happened to me, so I know it will. Good luck," he told me. I nodded nervously.

"Thank you."

I knew how to turn a few emotions on already. Phil and I drove back home and as soon as we made it to my dorm, I pinned him to the entry door.

-

I looked up at him, panting underneath him from the bed. He chuckled and flopped down next to me.

One emotion down.

"Shower?" I offered, still out of breath.

"Yes please."