Finding Desires

Chapter One

(Alexandria's p.o.v)

"Mommy,Mommy,Mommy." I sighed as Nadia began crying yet again. "Yes sweetheart?" I cooed 

slightly annoyed. "Is daddy going to be okay?" You're probably wondering if she means Dean. Well no. 

I finally had the guts to explain to her who her real father was. "Darling go get mommy a drink." I 

replied ignoring her comment as I slipped her the money. "Okay mommy." She whispered exhausted. 

"How is he?" I breathed as doctor Jess had walked by. "He is in good health now we wait." I shook my 

head furious. "What do you mean wait? I've been waiting six months now! How much longer could 

this possibly take?" Her eyes studied my face long before she had replied. "Look Mrs.Sanders I think 

you should go home and get some rest. Take that precious little girl of yours as well. You both need 

it."  I sighed and finally agreed with her after the tough fight I had put up. "Here you go mommy." I 

smiled as I accepted the large cold drink Nadia had brought to me and took a few sips before giving it 

back to her for her to keep. "Come on princess we're going to go home for a little." She nodded tiredly 

as we ventured out to my car. Home? Hell this has been our home for the past six months. I don't even 

know if we have such thing as a home anymore. I'm so far behind on my bills its crazy. Joey and Nadia 

are my number one priorities and that's how its going to be. I'm sure you're asking a lot of 

questions...Dean? Well lets just say his ass is locked up for good and probably facing the death 

sentence. And for me? Well... You'll just have to wait and find out. "Mommy?" I turned back to see a 

shivering Nadia. "What is it baby?" her teeth chattered together making a clanking sound. "I'm cold." I 

sighed and pressed on the heat. She didn't look so good. Keeping a five year old pinned up at a 

hospital for five months wasn't the best thing I could have done. "Better?" She smiled and nodded 

before replying. "Better." She cooed clapping. I bet you're wondering where we are since we last left 

off in Florida. Well we are now in Virginia in the midst of winter. It's freezing and snow is frozen all 

around. "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" I turned around startled to see a very happy Nadia clapping 

and squealing as she watched out her window. "What is it baby?" She kicked her feet and giggled 

some more. "Kitty mommy!" She yelled. I smiled as I finally caught onto what had caught her eye. It 

was a beige colored cat running around in circles being silly. "Yes baby pretty kitty." She squealed 

some more but than became sad when the cat had run off startled. My life was pretty much hell now 

that I think about it. If it wasn't for Nadia or Joey I would have probably killed myself by now. 

Suicidal? Far from it. Crazy? Sounds about right. My life is far from perfect. The only think keeping it 

perfect is that little crazy, beautiful , lovely princess I have in the back. Gosh how I've dreamed of me 

her and Joey being together once again as a family. I just wish Joey would pull through. I need him 

right now the most. He has no idea either. "Mommy?" I turn and look before I answer. "Yes 

sweetheart?" She wipes her eyes as a sign of her getting sleepier. "Can we go say goodnight to 

daddy?" She whispered sadly. "Of course darling." I breathed as we once again huddled in.

(Joey's p.o.v)

I lay stiff and still can't move. When will this end. When can I be normal again? "Joey?" I knew that 

voice! I was so excited I wish I could show it. "Joey I - I don't know if you can hear me or not but 

please... Please just hear me out." I can hear you Alex!!! I really can! "Joey... I really need you right 

now." She began. Alex I really need you too please stay! "Things are tough." Alex I know they are you 

got this you're tough! "And sometimes...Sometimes I just want to kill myself." What! No please don't 

ever do that beautiful. "But than I think of Nadia... And you." Yes think of our gorgeous little girl Nadia 

but not me! I'm fine! " I think and I think and I think." Think about what beautiful? " I think about how 

you are going to pull through. How you are going to be okay." Yes I will be okay gorgeous I'm fighting. 

"And than...Than I think...What if." What if what? "What if he doesn't make it?" Alex I am going to 

make it. " What would I do?" Stop it I will be here. "Who would I have other than our other half?" Alex I 

am here to stay. "Joey, I have to go. Nadia she loves you very much. She can't wait to get to know you. 

And I love you. I love you so much. We will fight. Keep fighting. I'm sorry for this hell." After that I had 

heard her soft shuffles fill across the room and a warm sensation had spread across my arm making 

me feel at ease and pain free. "Goodnight Joey." After she had said that the sensation was lost and I 

was still searching. Searching for that feeling. That feeling of warmth and wellness. But It was no 

where to be found. The soft beeps had now filled the room along with my steady breathing.