PHAN -Save me, please.

Chapter 17

Part 2/3

Phil threw on his coat and his scarf. He had now decided to not visit Dan today and rather go search for his mother.

He stepped out on the streets of London and nuzzled deeper into his scarf. You could really feel that it was getting autumnal, it only was the start of September but you could already feel the change in weather. It has been raining for days and the leaves had already started falling.

Phil really liked autumn normally. It was one of his favourite seasons. He loved the way the air would smell after it rained. He loved talking long walks in an autumnal setting, with brown, crunchy leaves everywhere and seeing a mushroom or two in the park. He loved seeing all the typical fall-related animals like squirrels running around the trees and collecting food for the upcoming winter.

But at the moment, when he walked through the crowded streets, he didn't really feel in a happy mood. More so was he worried. He kept worrying about the worst-case-scenario that could happen when he'd find Dan's mother.

Not only did he worry about what her intentions were, but also about what would happen if Dan would find out about her. It was one thing getting to know her and see that she was as bad as Phil imagined her to be, but he was even more scared about what would happen if she was actually lovely. What if Phil liked her? He doubted this though because he knew what she did to Dan and that was something she could never make up for again.

Phil got into the bus that would take him to his destination, the registration office. If Mrs Howell didn't want to come to him, he had to get to her. He sat down in a seat next to an old lady, leaning back in the warm seat. As cold as it was outside, he loved getting into closed rooms where it was warm.

Taking up his thought again, what could happen in the worst case? Yeah sure he could like her, and then what? They didn't have to be best friends right? It was even better, because then he could maybe forgive her and even maybe let her visit Dan sometimes, if he wanted it.

But what if Dan's mother demanded him back? What if she wanted to call off the adoption? Even though with her letting Dan into MIR, by or against her choice, she gave her agreement in the adoption, she could always demand him back and the state would obviously prefer his biological family before a foster home.

That was the moment when Phil realized that this was the worst that could happen to him. To get Dan taken away from him was his nightmare. When he first met Dan at his first day at MIR he had already felt this weird emotional bond that they seemed to have. Now that Dan had become his best-friend which he even had feelings for, it was a complete different story than just adopting a stranger. Dan was the most important person in his life and he surely didn't want to lose him.

Phil now actually thought about if he would just get out at the next bus stop, go back to MIR, spent the day with Dan and just forget about Dan's family completely.

But he already knew that this wasn't going to be so easy. If they were really that interested in Dan as PJ told him they were, they wouldn't let go that easily. They would continue trying to contact Dan, they would call Phil or MIR, and they would somehow try to get in touch with their son. And even if Phil would try his best to cover up, Dan would find out at some point. And just imagine how mad and hurt he would be if he found out that Phil had kept this secret from him.

Dan. Now his thoughts wondered back to this beautiful boy in MIR. What would he think when Phil didn't come today? Would he be sad and think that Phil didn't want him anymore? Because hell yeah, he did. Or was he even happy about having a little time for himself? Phil thought that it might be as hard for Dan to process what Phil had told him as hard as it was for him to tell Dan the truth. And the tension was over for Phil the second those words left his lips, but you could really feel how Dan was still clinging on to these words and kept thinking about them. And maybe for now, it was good to give him a little space.