11/23

Hashtag 19

#AchillesHeels

"Bottled toxic feelings, when exposed, can lead vulnerability to own downfall."

-x-

Breathing became a chore for Jhing, dragging the air in and out of her lungs, trying to get everything inside – especially the outside – intact, and kept going like she did the past years. The running away from him needed to stop. Jhing must face her fear – her anger – her disgust – the reason she kept everything bottled inside.

In writing stories, it's a must that a writer creates conflict for the character to choose between two important things. Dapat sobrang hirap, yung tipong pati ang reader, mababaliw kung anong dapat piliin kasi both have big consequences. That will make a character dynamic, relatable and. . .human.

Jhing was a writer, alright. But maybe, she hated that she couldn't write her own life – because she didn't want to write the day she needed to choose between; to save herself from her Tatay or save her Tatay from her.

She wanted to be selfish - but she couldn't stand hearing her Nanay's pleads, apologies and cries anymore. Like what her Nanay did when she gave her savings for his hospital bill.

"Salamat Jhing," her mother cried on the phone. Rinig din ang boses ng Tatay niya, "hindi ko kailangan ng tulong!" Humina ang sigaw, mukhang lumayo ang Nanay niya para hindi marinig ang mga sumunod nitong sinabi. "Salamat talaga. Hayaan mo at babayaran ko rin ito."

The call ended with Jhing's silence.

There was no time for crying. Hindi niya ma-explain 'yung nararamdaman – everything was too much. Kailangan niyang bumangon at magtrabaho para maibalik ang perang nawala sa kanya. Tangina nung feeling na kinuha niya ang lahat ng pera niya sa bangko – it felt like she gave everything away for someone who won't care for her.

Pucha. Shit talaga. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Nag aalala na si Nanay kay Tatay hindi na naman umuwi kahit inatake na ng highblood, her brother texted two weeks after her birthday. Nag away kasi sila pagkauwi dito sa bahay tapos ayun.

Jhing wanted to curse, and she was going to hell for thinking: Tangina kasi dapat hindi na pinagaling pa! but she ended up feeling nothing. . .she tried to feel nothing while all the emotions tried to escape from her. Anger. Fear. Disgust. Hatred.

Pero wala siyang time maging emotional.

Jhing dragged herself to office and pushed herself to smile when Miko sat next to her on the pantry. Looking at him, talking to everybody while smiling, made her envy him.

Buti pa siya, kaya niya.

Buti pa siya. . .

"Okay ka lang?" Miko asked in the middle of lunch. "Tulala ka na naman, magkatabi na tayo iniisip mo pa rin ako?"

Jhing pushed herself to smile. "Iniisip ko kasi paano kita papatayin."

It was Miko's smile that forced Jhing to not think too much. "Grabe, nakakatouch ka talaga minsan. Minsan lang."

Nakagawian na rin ni Jhing mag-OT with or without pay. That gave her the reason to not think too much and just go with the flow sa mga kwentong binabasa kahit hindi niya trip ang ilan. Nasa Manila siya but her mind kept flying away, inaalala ang pamilya sa probinsiya.

When she asked how her Nanay was, nag-text lang ito ng, ok lng. Maays kmi d2. Kw ba jan? Wg pkgutom pti puyat ha ingt lgi. Mbbyran q rn ung nwla sa ipon mo asap