QOTD- what grade are you in?
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All I could hear was the rain. The raindrops hitting the window. And shouting. Probably our neighbors.
All I could see was Nash. He was sitting on the other side of the table with his head in his hands.
All I could feel was a strange kind of emptiness. Numb. Yeah, that's how I felt. Numb. If you asked me what thoughts were running through my mind at this very moment, I wouldn't be able to answer you. There was nothing. I didn't know why I felt that way. Maybe because I saw all this coming. Maybe because I knew it had to end one day. Everything comes to an end. Movies, books, songs. The same applies to relationships and friendships. But the thing is: If you finished a book, you can easily start a new book. It's not that easy with relationships.
Except for the shouting and the rain it was dead silent in our apartment. Maybe it sounds weird, but the silence was so loud. It was like Nash and I were yelling at each other. I could practically hear his voice. I could hear it, even though neither of us said a word. However, that was what I needed right now. Words. I wanted Nash to say something. Silence won't protect us. It will make things worse.
"Just say something." I was surprised at my own words. My voice wasn't shaking. I sounded calm and confident. Nash looked up. His eyes met mine. His expression was a mixture of anger, sadness and disappointment. The poor lightning in our living room made him look even more exhausted and worn out. The countless sleepless nights due fighting, the nights he had spent on the couch and the constant traveling had left its marks.
"We both know we've come to a point where it's just necessary to stop.", Nash said. Stop. I knew what he was talking about. Stopping the pain. Stopping the hurt. Stopping the shouting. And he was right. It had to stop.
"I just want to be happy. I know that's what you want too.", I said. We didn't break eye-contact. "I want you to be happy.", I added. Now it was just a few more minutes. A few more minutes until one of us would say the words. A few more minutes until I would tell him that he was my first love. A few more minutes until I would walk out of the front door and out of his life.
I looked down. I couldn't stand his gaze anymore.
"(Y/N). Please look at me.", Nash pleaded. I slowly glanced up. He was biting his lip. Something he always did when situations were tense. I swallowed and allowed myself to take a deep breath.
"Just say it.", I said and smiled weakly. Nash looked at me. I could tell he was a little surprised at my words. He shook his head slightly. "(Y/N), I...", he trailed off, but I cut him off. I didn't want to hear it. I was sick of this never-ending, pointless conversations. He had to come to the point.
"Just say it.", I repeated. I didn't know why I wanted him to say it so bad. I mean, we had gone through so many amazing times. However, we both couldn't deny it. These times were over. Now this relationship was killing us inside. It wasn't healthy anymore. I really wanted to be happy again. That's what I craved the most. Just being able to smile and laugh without coercion. I just wanted to enjoy life again.
"We...we should... We should break up.", Nash eventually stumbled. There it was. And I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel my world crushing down. I didn't feel my heart breaking. Probably because it broke a long time ago. I didn't feel different. I felt numb. But that's how I felt an hour ago, a week ago, a month ago. I didn't feel pain.
I nodded my head slowly and stood up. I cleared my throat and gave Nash a weak smile. "I'll get my stuff tomorrow or next week if that's okay. I just.. it's already late and I really don't have the power to do it today.", I said. Nash looked at me for a long time. Then he nodded. "Alright. Where are you going to sleep tonight?", he asked. He wanted me to be safe. I shrugged. "Probably at Cameron's place.", I answered. He nodded once more. It was silent again. This goddamn silence.
"Thank you.", Nash suddenly whispered. I was surprised. "For what?", I asked. "For being my first love. For being my first serious relationship.", he answered. His words made me smile. Nash was an amazing person. We were just not good for each other. "You were my first love too. I'll never forget my first love.", I said. Nash smiled at me weakly.
"I guess I'll go now." I walked up to Nash and kissed him on the cheek. "Good bye." I turned around and headed for the door. The doorknob was cold as I touched it. This was the ending. But as the saying goes: Every ending is a new beginning. Or something like that. This was a new beginning. I turned the doorknob and stepped outside. The rain had stopped and the air was fresh. I took a deep breath before closing the door behind me.
I didn't lie. I knew I would never forget Nash. He had a special place in my heart. Even though our relationship didn't work out.
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