Unsent Messages

30

Saved as draft - 11/4/05

I did mention that my sister was pregnant, didn't I? I can't remember. Anyway, she's about eight months along. Today, she started having really bad pains, so Mark took her to the hospital, and I insisted on coming. My sister and I have always been close, and she's the only person I've ever talked to about you before. When I told her everything, from the first date, to the weird falling-out, to the new girlfriend, to the "Sorry to hear you're gone, I would've liked to say a real goodbye," message you sent me over email, she told me all about when her and Mark first started dating, and the complications they had regarding his jealous ex-girlfriend. I mean, our little rift hardly seemed problematic at all in comparison. It helped me to see what I'd always thought of as a dark ending to the possibility of a happy story as not the worst thing in the world. I mean, things could've gone much worse, couldn't they? At least we've emailed a few times since Paris. At least we have the future, friends or in a relationship or not.

I'm sitting in the waiting room of the hospital as of now, phone in hand. Mark is sitting beside me, looking a disheveled mess, because the doctors and nurses need to evaluate the full scope of the problem before he's allowed to see my sister. Apparently, she's having a lot of complications, and it's possible they might need to induce labor, or even give her an emergency cesarean. I can't seem to find a way to breathe regularly. But I found this old picture of you on my phone, where you're laughing and not looking at me, your face red from spending too much time in the sun, and staring at it seems to help. I don't know how, but it does.

Maybe it's that I'm seeing a familiar face. Or, maybe it's because that face belongs to you. I think... I think I'm-

Wait. My mom's calling. I have to go.