Therapist || m.c.

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you looked down at your phone and saw the caller id showing none other than michael. you had been trying to reach him as he'd had the week off, but he hadn't bothered to return any of your calls.

"hello?" you asked hastily after sliding your finger across the screen to answer your phone.

"hey." you heard michael's raspy morning voice coming through the phone and immediately you softened.

"what've you been up to?"

"not much really," he mumbled and you stiffened.

"well, did you loose your phone or something?" you questioned, confused to why he had been ignoring you,

"no." he spoke bluntly.

you furrowed your eyebrows. "well i haven't talked to you all week?" you were trying not to get angry at him in case something was really wrong but he was pushing you. "i know you were sick last week, did it start up again? are you alright?"

michael just sighed. "i'm fine," he groaned, obviously his short temper was proving difficult. "it's just been a little hectic, i guess."

you nodded. "alright. i just thought seeing as it was your week off that you would maybe call me back or-"

"y/n, can you please stop moaning, jesus christ." he raised his voice slightly and you rolled your eyes. "i'm sorry i didn't call you back every time you called but things have been hectic."

"you didn't call me back at all, michael." you mumbled back at him. you'd already had a pretty bad week with your boss on your case twenty-four-seven and working later and later shifts and when you did get spare time you wanted to use it talking to your boyfriend who was halfway across the world but he didn't seem to really care all that much.

"whatever."

"call me back when you're in a better mood." you mumbled, taking the phone back from your ear to only be stopped by michael.

"wait," he said quickly, causing you to retract your finger away from the end call button and instead tap the speaker button.

"what?" you spoke irritatedly, kind of annoyed and kind of hurt that your boyfriend didn't want to talk to you.

"i'm struggling," he whispered and you immediately lost all anger. "and i'm really sorry."

you felt your heart swell at his words. "don't worry about it, mikey."

"no, i will worry about it. luke got angry at me today too for not listening to him and ashton yelled at me earlier for not paying attention when recording and i'm really sorry for not being good enough right now because i'm struggling and i don't know what to do." you felt so awful for nagging at him now when you heard his voice wavering.

"thats okay," you tried to reason so he didn't feel any worse. "what's on your mind, baby?"

"everything is on my mind," he sighed. "we're meant to be on a break for a week but its not a break. it's never ending."

"i don't know what you mean?" you questioned, unsure what he was talking about because michael never complained often.

"of course you don't! you're not famous! you're not in the spotlight all the time so you wouldn't know what its like!" he wasn't yelling, he was more whining by now.

"well i'm not gonna understand if you don't explain." you muttered harshly. you didn't understand why michael would fall apart and immediately throw his walls back up as soon as you take an interest in his problems.

"i'm just fed up of not being able to go anywhere without being mobbed. or not being able to do anything without being questioned. everything's just so exposed all the time and i hate it. how am i supposed to know who wants to befriend me because i'm michael or who wants to befriend me because i'm michael clifford?" you sighed when the line went silent because this wasn't at all your area of expertise.

"i mean, i love michael and michael clifford because either way you're the same loveable idiot and thats the way i'll always see you. thats how your band mates see you, its how your family sees you. we love you, and whether you're unsure about someone else loving whatever michael you want them to love, you can know that we all love you, no matter who you decide you want to be." you smiled because that was pretty good reassurance and you were sure of it.

michael hummed before staying quiet for a moment. "i started going to a therapist on monday because calum thought i was overwhelmed and needed a little help." he sighed. "i'm sorry for not telling you. i just wanted to feel better without you ever having to know about this. and i do! a little, anyway. calum has been taking me to every session and is helping me through it all along with luke and ashton, of course. i feel better, i'm just not one hundred percent there. more like fifty-three percent. and i know thats not a lot but-"

"michael, its okay." you quickly cut him off to stop his rambling. "it's okay that you're going to a therapist, its okay that you didn't tell me - although i wished you would have - and its okay that you're struggling." you smiled in reassurance, trying to stay positive for his sake. "i'm not mad at you if thats what you're worried about. i'm more disappointed that i can't do anything, as of now, to help." you sighed and you didn't hear a sound from michael's end but you figured he was okay. "i love you, i just want you to feel better, alright?" michael didn't answer but you knew he was nodding.

"okay." you could hear the smile in his voice and immediately you felt better for making him smile. "i love you too, by the way." you laughed lightly and shook your head.

"what if i flew out for the last weekend of your break?" you suggested after a long time of just listening to each others uneven breaths in hope on of the other would speak up eventually.

"you'd do that?" you nodded this time with a smile.

"sure." you shrugged. "and besides, i think with the way my boss has been working me, i deserve a few days off." you laughed dryly.

"i'm sorry, i never asked how you-"

"we have plenty of time to talk about me some other time alright? this is about you getting better."

*~*~*

i'm tired and i'm sick and i'm sick and tired and i'm sad and i just don't want to read this over at all sorry

obviously this was manipulated from michael's comment he made on stage about seeing a therapist or whatever

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