Deadly Attraction

Lovey Dovey Heterosexuals

A/N- *is the worst author ever* So I've kind of been in the hospital for some months, so I haven't been able to write. I am soooo sorry, BUUUTTT today I got an idea for a chapter so this is gonna be great just wait.

Eren's POV

     "Shut up. Shut up. Please shut. UP." This and a list of profanities repeated in my head continuously as I stood across the bar from an obnoxious couple.

     A curvy blonde was draped over a tall, lanky brunette who looked like a California skater boi, and the sound of giggling filled my ears. Filled my ears, filled the room, filled THE ENTIRE FREAKING BAR.

      "Do you see that girl in the red dress, lovemuffin? It is sooo stylish!" She gushed in her annoyingly high cheerleader-like voice.

      "I don't see anyone but you, sugarplum." Skater boi drawled, touching his nose to hers in a aggravating Eskimo kiss. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

      I let out a heavy sigh and leaned my lady butt against the back counter, setting down the glass I was polishing to perfection. I had to be honest with myself. I wasn't disgusted by this couple- even if they were flamingly heterosexual- I was completely and utterly jealous of them. I was practically green with envy.

      With a bouncing baby bloodsucker on the way- even though Levi was filthy stinkin rich- we would need every extra penny we could get. That, and my not actually needing sleep, had me working around the clock. Literally. I haven't set foot inside anywhere but this bar in 63.4 hours. That's like, a lot of hours.

       The other workers, thankfully, haven't noticed that I haven't left. Their shifts switch so often that they must think I leave after they do. The only one who would notice would be my boss, but he's focused on this new game called Crossy Roads he found and is completely oblivious.

      It's not too bad working myself to death- life?- seeing as I actually enjoy the bar. I can't get enough of all the drama. Every ten minutes someone is thrown out the window by some drunk guy protecting his girlfriends cleavage from lonely single people's eyes or there's some bar brawl that I can take a snapchat of.

        Speaking of snapchat, my ass vibrated and I flipped out my phone to see a notification from the bae. I looked over into my boss' office to see if he was looking, and when I saw him throwing his phone against the wall in rage then rushing to continue making himself mad I knew that I was safe, so I put in my very clever passcode. 1234. It's so obvious that no one will think to try it. Genius.

       I opened it to see a very pissed, very sick looking Levi in front of the toilet holding up a certain finger with his fangs bared with the caption "You did this to me, betch"
I laughed before feeling a pang in my unbeating heart.

    This is exactly why I am jealous of the lovey dovey heterosexuals sitting across from me feeding each other the complementary nuts. (Deez nuts) I hadn't seen Levi, my glorious hawt af husband, in approximately 64 hours. And that is NOT okay.

     I missed him. From his really silky soft hair (he has a hair playing fetish) that doesn't match his manliness to his lean, muscular, toned, gorgeous calves. (I have a calf fetish) I even miss getting cussed out three point five times a day.

    My bottom lip slowly pushed out into a pout as I scrolled over to my photo app and to my "Bae❤️❤️❤️❤️" album.

      "Moscow Mule, please." A voice ordered to my left, but my hands were already busy scrolling through my beautiful shrine.

     I passed the picture of the two of us at the zoo in front of the panda bears seconds after I had said, "What do panda bears say on Halloween? BamBOO!" Needless to say Levi's face is disgusted.

      The next one was of Levi. He's asleep on my lap with his bangs falling down over his eyes. He looked so peaceful and cute and adorable and cute...

      The sound of a throat clearing preceded the irritated voice saying, "Excuse me? I said 1 Moscow mule, please."

      "Yeah, yeah. One sec, I'm getting to the real cute ones."

     As he scoffed I scrolled past pics of the two of us at home, of screenshotted snapchats of him, and photos from our wedding day. I grew increasingly restless as I definitely didn't pass nudes. Cough.

"Hey buddy I asked for a drink five minu-"

"DAMMIT I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!" I screamed, stomping my foot before, still screaming a continuous "AAAHHHHH", exiting out of the photo app, opening my messages, going to Levi's conversation, and texting "Can we watch Netflix and chill?" then I ran out the door, hearing a very angry,

"What about my drink?!!?!"

A/N- Hehe