Angela Chronicles

A Twisted Heart part 2: Forgotten

It was spring, and the rain was pouring heavily. The heavy rain concealed the beauty of flowers in our garden. We didn't have much space in the garden, but what we have we optimize. The garden was very beautiful most of the time, but that night it was all a blur, petals and leaves were pelted down. The ground was a muddy mess. Normally I would worry about the garden, but that night as I was standing by the window, watching the street anxiously, my worry was on something else. I was worried about Paul. It was fifteen minutes before midnight and he hadn't come home. Paul was never late before; not without an explanation. This was so not him. I was worried if something bad happened to him. Ugh... the torture of waiting was killing me.

The dinner that I prepared had gone cold. I had eaten a little together with Cadfael earlier, but I couldn't taste anything.

"Angela." Cadfael called me. I glanced past my shoulder and saw him standing right behind me, with a worried look plastered on his face. "You should get some rest. You look so pale."

"I'm fine." I said, a little too quickly. I pressed my forehead against the cool window pane, fixing my gaze once again on the street outside.

Cadfael sighed. "Paul is OK I'm sure. He's not a child anymore. We both know he is more than capable to take care of himself. You don't need to worry about him that much."

"I know..." I muttered under my breath. I know... but still... my heart was unable to rest easy. I just had a hunch that something was off. "Did he tell you where he's going, Cad?" I asked him.

"No." He answered. Then hesitantly he added, "But I saw him taking a call shortly before he went out. I think it was from a woman..."

"His... girlfriend?" I wasn't sure, because Paul told me he broke up with his last girlfriend, a kindergarten teacher. Did he have a new girlfriend already? My heart hurt just to think about it.

"I don't know... Oh! There he is."

A man with black leather jacket was entering the gate, with hands jabbed down his pockets and shoulders hunched. I hurried to the front door and opened it for him.

Paul got out from the rain by stepping into the porch. He was really soaked from head to toe, water dripping from the tip of his hair. He smiled when he saw me, trying to ease my worry, but I could still see the sadness in his eyes. "I'm home, Ange, Cad." he said in a tired voice.

I opened my mouth to ask him where he had been, but I changed my mind. I forced a smile and said, "Welcome home, Paul." And he gently patted my head like he always did, then he got inside and went straight to his room, closing the door behind him. I stood outside his door, clenching one hand in another anxiously. I didn't dare to knock. I knew he needed some time for himself.

"Angela, please get some rest." Cadfael reminded me again. It seemed he's more worried about me rather than about Paul.

I shook my head. "You go on ahead. I'll prepare some tea for Paul." I told him. An dwithout waiting for his respond, I left for the kitchen. I made a cup of black tea and prepared some leftover cake slices on a small plate. I put everything in a tray. When I got back, Cadfael had gone to his room, but he prepared a blanket in a couch next to Paul's room. I smiled and felt grateful for him.

There was no answer when I knocked on Paul'd door, so I put down the tray in front of it. The door swung inside, so it wouldn't hit the tray.

I sighed and plopped myself down on the couch. I curled up, wrapping myself with the blanket. I was really tired that I soon went into sleep.

When I woke up, I was surprised to find that Paul was sitting next to me and I actually had my head on his lap. I rubbed my eyes to chase away the sleepiness and slightly looked up to see that Paul was sleeping, supporting his head with one hand while his other hand wrapped around my waist. I smiled faintly; being in his arms was much warmer than using any blanket. I felt so calm and content. The rain outside had ceased into drizzle, but it was still dark--I didn't know what time it was.

As I lied there enjoying the blissful silence, Paul stirred in his sleep. I stayed still in order not to wake him up, but he woke up nonetheless. He still looked weary and it worried me. Perhaps my worry showed in my face, because Paul gently caressed my hair and smiled comfortingly. "What is it, my sweet?" he asked me.

I wanted to say that I was worried sick about him, but then again, I knew he already knew I was worried. So instead I asked him back, "How are you feeling, Paul?"

"Great!" He replied, still smiling.

"Liar." I pouted.

"No. I'm not!" he pretended to be shocked and offended. "I admit I look like hell, but I'm feeling great, really. You don't have to worry, my sweet..."

I sat up and looked at him properly in the eyes. "How can you say that? Of course I have to worry about you. How can I live if something bad happens to you..." I told him in a serious tone. We had always been together, Paul, Cadfael, and I, since we were young and lived in an orphanage. Our bond was stronger than anything--or so I believed.

Paul pulled me into his embrace and kissed the top of my head. "I understand Ange... I'm sorry that I always make you worry... But you know, even if something bad happens to me--"

"Don't say that!" I protested.

"Ssshhh... listen to me first--even if something bad happens, and I'm out of the picture, you must remember that you still have Cad... ok?"

"But--" I tried to protest again when Paul placed his index finger on my lips.

"O'm sure Cad will take care of you better than I do." he continued, "He loves you very much, you know?"

"I... I know..." I said weakly. I had been noticing the fact for quite some time now, but no matter how obvious Cadfael showed his love to me, I insisted on not acknowledging it, for I was afraid of breaking his heart. I couldn't answer his feelings because my heart was already set on Paul only... I was sure Paul had already realized my feelings to him, but like what I did to Cadfael, he pretended that he didn't know... Oh what a cruel reality...

I could barely stand the pain when my heart felt like being pierced by a thousand needles. My eyes started to water. "You're cruel..." I whispered, "How could you say that when you know I... I..."

"Angela..." he squeezed my trembling hands.

"No, let me finish... I love you, Paul. Very much. You know?" My tears started running down my cheeks. I saw Paul got teary eyes as well, but he held it in.

"I know..." he said, "I know Ange... and I'm so sorry... You are a very precious sister to me. You will always be." That time, the word 'sister' stung me. It was painful to know that I would never be more than a sister to Paul. True I had his love, but not the kind I wanted. He didn't see me as a woman.

"You're right. I'm cruel..." he continued, "I'm sorry I hurt you Ange..." he hugged me again, tighter this time, muffling the sound of my sobbing. And I kept crying until I was too tired to cry any longer and I fell asleep.

I woke up again in the morning, feeling terrible. I felt my eyes swollen I could barely see my surrounding, but it didn't take mych for me to realize that Paul had gone. Truly gone. He left and never came back--not even his dead body for us to burry.