Strings of Solace

Chapter 3

I expected the dead silence that followed my words, but it was still uncomfortable. I reprimanded myself for blurting it out like that, but once the words were out, there was no going back. My choice has been made. The least I could do was stand by it.

"Excuse me?" Stephen asked, his face a frozen mask. Even his lips barely moved as he spoke.

Whatever he was expecting from our meeting, the impromptu proposal was clearly not on the list. His eyes got so big that I felt like they might pop out of his head any second and roll away, never to be found again.

I would have found his cartoonish appearance funny if I weren't so mortified. Then again, there was probably no way for me to ask that question without embarrassing myself, so getting it out there as quickly as possible was like ripping off a Band-Aid. Or at least that was what I kept telling myself.

"You want us to get married?" Stephen asked as if he had thought his hearing had suddenly failed him.

"Listen, don't get me wrong," I said hurriedly, wanting to remove any potential misunderstanding. "I don't have any feelings for you."

His face sagged while his eyes shone with moisture, warning me I was doing more damage than good with my clarification, so I quickly backtracked to a hopefully safer way of explaining myself.

"I mean, I don't have any romantic feelings for you," I said, hoping that made it clear enough. "But I always thought of you as a friend... a good person."

The stammering that cut through my words appeared because we weren't even friends, or we were but for a short time, because of me. My insecurities destroyed any chance our friendship had of developing into something amazing, which made explaining my logic to him so much more difficult.

"And you think that's enough for you to get married to someone? You just need to think he is a good person?" Stephen asked, his voice shakier than ever, which he tried to hide by clearing his throat as if it was his cold acting up and not his conflicted feelings.

"Yes," I responded automatically, but then I stopped and took a long sip of my coffee. "Let me start again, and maybe once I explain everything, you'll see the logic in what I bet you think is a crazy idea now."

Without saying anything, Stephen simply nodded for me to proceed, even though I could see he was already dissatisfied with the little I had told him. Anyone would feel the same way if someone they once liked or still like said they had zero feelings for them. It was my fault that I had put my foot in my mouth.

"I was thinking about a fake marriage," I said, deciding to start from the beginning. "I heard those are quite common in some countries where they look like a proper marriage without the romance components being involved."

I took a peek at his expression. It oscillated violently. The only one I could interpret clearly was shock, since I couldn't read him perfectly because of his glasses. So, I just let it all out and worry about the consequences later. After all, the worst he could do was say no.

"Two people who haven't gotten married until a certain age and are pressured by their families to do so make a deal with each other to get married to appease their families," I said, trying to explain it as cohesively as possible, my hands shaking violently. "Outside the house, they act like a devoted couple and do everything married couples usually do. But inside the house, they are more like two roommates sharing the same house."

"And you think that's a good idea?" Stephen asked, doubt and confusion dancing in his unsteady voice. "I always heard people say you were into romance. That you were waiting for your prince in shining armor. Wouldn't your marrying a random guy you don't even like destroy all your hopes of finding Mr. Right? Why do this in the first place?"

"I honestly don't know if it's a good idea. And I know it sounds crazy," I said after taking a deep, calming breath. "However, I'm sick and tired of listening to my family nag me about getting married. I'm tired of living with my parents and enduring the torturous 'talks' that all boil down to the fact that I'm getting older and apparently no one will want me if I don't get married immediately, and so on. I want it all to stop."

There were moments I wished everything would stop — the humiliations, the bereavements, my life.

"And you think this is a good way to do that?" Stephen asked, sounding somewhat more collected but still allowing a note of frustration to escape his voice.

"Yes, you are not just a random guy," I said, anger lacing my voice for the first time since I arrived. "You are the only guy I trust enough to ask something like this. Besides, I never said I didn't care about you. I always thought you would have been a great friend. My wish was always for your happiness and health. I think we could still be great friends."

Stephen blinked a few times, probably trying to figure out if what was happening was real or just a weird dream.

I couldn't blame him.

In my whole life, I had never heard of anyone in my country getting married like this. Even if there was no love in a marriage, they at least pretended they loved each other. This kind of honest business transaction about marriage was unheard of, bordering on taboo.

"Okay, let's say I agree to this crazy idea," Stephen said, furrowing his brows. "What's in it for me? You get your family off your back and move far away from them. What do I get?"

"I'm sure your family is as difficult as mine is, and maybe even more so since they are such an influential family," I said, trying to word my thoughts carefully to avoid offending him. "You will also be able to keep them at bay with this marriage while maintaining absolute freedom to do whatever you want in your free time. You'll have a wife to bring to all the social functions (I know those are important for your work), someone to take care of you and help you chase away potential unwanted female advances."

"That sounds..." Stephen said before I rudely interrupted.

"Oh, yes, and if you're worried that I am a gold-digger, don't worry. We'll write a prenup where I get nothing if or when I divorce you," I stated passionately. "I don't want your money. I am only looking for a way out of my current situation."

"I wasn't worried about that," he said, sounding sincere but still seemingly doubtful about my suggestion.

Maybe because I was winging it, and we both knew it. But I couldn't remember all the points I was planning to make, all the benefits Stephen would reap by marrying me. It was as if all the arguments disappeared from my mind, erased by the foolishness of what I was doing.

"What if you marry me and find your Mr. Right, or I find Mrs. Right? What happens then?" Stephen asked, with an expression I couldn't understand. It looked calculating, but knowing him, I doubted I was interpreting it correctly.

"We will have a clause that allows both parties to end the deal with two months' notice if such a thing happens, although I don't think I'll find him if I haven't found him until now," I said, the bitterness I often felt at not being as lucky as others bubbling up to the surface.

"And when you said I would have absolute freedom, did you mean we would both be free to date other people while married?" Stephen asked, his eyes fixed on mine as if trying to gauge my reaction.

"Well, not date, because that feels too much like a betrayal, and what if someone finds out? But if you meet someone you love, we could begin discussing divorce proceedings, and vice versa. But you could go out with your friends, stay up late, and your wife won't nag you about it," I said, the word 'wife' getting stuck in my throat, barely allowing me to spit it out.

"I see," Stephen said, tapping his fingers on the table, lost in thought. "You seem to have thought this through. I'm not sure what to think."

"Can you just think of it as a mutually beneficial business proposal between two friends and say yes?" I asked, unsure if I wanted to do this anymore, and yet still allowing the words to spill out of my mouth because I wasn't strong enough to break away by myself.

"Yes," he finally said when I was already wondering if he would say anything.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, shocked at the quick acceptance. "Are you sure you understood what I was saying?"

"Yes, I did. Mina, I will marry you," he said with a determination I didn't expect.