"I didn't choose the retail life. The retail life aggressively recruited me during a recession."
⸻
🌈 Daily Affirmations for Emotionally Employed Souls:
🧘♀️ "I am calm, even when asked to check the back for an item that never existed."
🪬 "I release all energy that does not serve me—including Karen's expired coupons."
💅 "My worth is not defined by my name tag font size."
🧾 "Every receipt I print is a scroll of resilience."
🛍️ "The universe may not refund me, but I will reward myself with snacks after this shift."
⸻
🏅 You've Been Spiritually Promoted. Print this in your soul:
📄 CERTIFICATE OF RETAIL SURVIVAL
This hereby certifies that
✨ YOU ✨
have endured:
• Loud children
• Slow internet
• Fast Karens
• "I just need one thing" customers
... and lived to tell the tale.
You may now:
• Raise your third eye in victory 👁️
• Sage your checkout counter
• And add "Spiritual Customer Exorcist" to your fake resume
⸻
💬 Final Testimonial from Luna V. Light, Ph.D. in Vibes & Discounts:
"If you read this whole book and still showed up to your next shift... you are the chosen one. Namaste and never come back."
The End
YOU ARE READING
How to Handle Stupd Customers Without Committing a Crime (Spiritually Speaking)
Humor🛒💥 Namaste but I'm this close to snapping. This brutally honest, fake self-help book is for every retail warrior who has survived angry aunties, clueless uncles, and the customer who said, "This was cheaper yesterday." With chapters like "Smile Th...
