"It lists your groceries, your regrets, and a 4-foot-long survey you'll never fill out."
Why is it:
• 2 items = 1 kilometer of thermal paper
• 1 pack of gum = full terms & conditions
• And yet, it still doesn't contain your will to keep working
Welcome to the most useless scroll since ancient prophecy.
⸻
🧾 Step 1: The Anatomy of a Modern Receipt
Your average receipt now includes:
• Your phone number (that you gave under duress)
• Coupons you'll never use
• 3 ads
• A motivational quote from the printer
• And the ghost of your last raise, which still hasn't arrived
And at the bottom?
"Tell us how we did!"
YOU KNOW HOW WE DID, KAREN. 😤
⸻
💔 Step 2: When They Say "I Lost My Receipt"
Customer:
"I swear I had it."
You:
"Was it before or after Mercury retrograde?"
No receipt, no refund. But offer:
• A "chakra cleanse"
• A store credit for 0.00
• Or just a blank stare with light judgment
Bonus: whisper
"The universe keeps the receipt."
And walk away slowly.
⸻
✂️ Step 3: Weaponize the Receipt
Long queue? Angry customer?
Just keep printing the receipt while maintaining eye contact.
Wrap it around their cart like a "do not cross" tape.
Then say:
"This is the length of my retail trauma. And your coupon just expired."
⸻
💬 Paper-Cut Level Confessions:
"A customer tripped over a receipt I printed. I felt nothing but pride."
— Devika, Thermal Queen
"He returned with 17 receipts, none from our store. I said, 'You're just holding trees now.'"
— Kabir, Emotionally Shredded
⸻
🚨 End of Chapter Reminder:
This is satire, babe. In real life, receipts are printed. Feelings are not. Recycle both wisely. ♻️🧾💅
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How to Handle Stupd Customers Without Committing a Crime (Spiritually Speaking)
Humor🛒💥 Namaste but I'm this close to snapping. This brutally honest, fake self-help book is for every retail warrior who has survived angry aunties, clueless uncles, and the customer who said, "This was cheaper yesterday." With chapters like "Smile Th...
