"We can take back your blender, Karen. Not your behavior."
Ahhh, the sacred moment when a customer shows up with:
• A crumpled receipt from the year 2019
• An item that's clearly used
• And the audacity of a tax-free refund request
You? You smile. Because this is your villain origin chapter.
⸻
🔍 Step 1: Study the Classic Return Excuses
Babe, memorize these like retail mantras:
• "It broke on its own." (While covered in spaghetti sauce.)
• "My child didn't like it." (Your child is 34.)
• "I felt judged while using it." (???)
The real response?
"I understand. Unfortunately, so does our policy."
Say it with grace. Or fake tears. Both work.
⸻
📦 Step 2: How to Say "No" Without Saying "No"
Try:
• "Ooooh, this is... not returnable. Like my self-respect."
• "That's above my spiritual pay grade."
• "I can give you a store credit... in emotional support only."
If they get angry, just whisper:
"This is a karmic return, not a financial one."
They'll be too confused to argue.
⸻
💅 Step 3: Offer a Vibe Refund Instead
If all else fails, hand them:
• A sage stick
• A "Let It Go" sticker
• A coupon that says: "1 Free Apology From The Universe"
And say:
"May you be refunded emotionally, if not financially."
⸻
💬 Return Confessions from the Retail Realm:
"A guy returned a half-eaten granola bar and said, 'It tasted healthy.'"
— Ananya, Still Processing
"She said the candle triggered her past life. I said same, and offered her a tea light."
— Jay, Part-Time Psychic
⸻
🚨 End of Chapter Reminder:
This is parody, babe. If you work retail, you know: refunds don't fix trauma—but a sarcastic smile sure helps. 💸✨💁♀️
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How to Handle Stupd Customers Without Committing a Crime (Spiritually Speaking)
Humor🛒💥 Namaste but I'm this close to snapping. This brutally honest, fake self-help book is for every retail warrior who has survived angry aunties, clueless uncles, and the customer who said, "This was cheaper yesterday." With chapters like "Smile Th...
