"When life gives you trauma at ₹15/hour, apply lip balm and cry in the stockroom."
Retail isn't just a job—it's a slow-burn emotional thriller starring you, fake smiles, and absolutely no mental health benefits.
By this point, you've:
• Been blamed for inflation
• Apologized for rain
• Questioned the existence of joy
And yet... you're still here. Smiling. But dying. Elegantly.
⸻
💅 Step 1: The Art of the Breakdown Smile™
Perfect this legendary look:
• Eyes: Wet
• Lips: Glossy
• Soul: Disassociating
• Response:
"Totally, I'll help you find your third cousin's favorite brand of sugar-free toothpaste. With pleasure."
This is retail pageantry.
⸻
🧃 Step 2: Hydrate or Cry-drate
Is it:
• Sweat?
• Tears?
• That mystery juice from aisle 6?
No one knows. But you keep going. Because deep down, you know:
"If I cry quietly enough, maybe I'll hit my sales target."
Bonus tip: Crying in the stockroom is basically a spiritual cleanse now.
⸻
📱 Step 3: When You Want to Quit but Remember Rent Exists
Customer:
"You people are so lazy."
You:
"Thank you for your feedback. I'll add it to my trauma journal."
Then take a deep breath, channel your inner Luna V. Light, and post a story that says:
"If you see me crying, no you didn't."
⸻
💬 Confessions from the Retail Breakdown Squad:
"I cried mid-shift, wiped my mascara with a receipt, and still upsold 3 candles. Hire me forever."
— Isha, Fragile but Fierce
"A customer yelled, 'Smile!' and I replied, 'I did. In 2019.'"
— Dev, Broken but Iconic
⸻
🚨 End of Chapter Reminder:
This is parody, babe. Your emotions are real, and your resilience is ridiculous. If you're smiling through a breakdown, you're basically a warrior in lip gloss. 💄🛍️💔
YOU ARE READING
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Humor🛒💥 Namaste but I'm this close to snapping. This brutally honest, fake self-help book is for every retail warrior who has survived angry aunties, clueless uncles, and the customer who said, "This was cheaper yesterday." With chapters like "Smile Th...
