"I may have scanned your items, but I'm not scanning your drama."
They walk in for toothpaste.
They leave after trauma-dumping about their dog, divorce, and digestive issues.
Congratulations—you've become an accidental therapist with a name tag.
⸻
😐 Step 1: Perfect the "Mmhm, I Care" Head Tilt
When a customer starts sharing too much, do this:
• Tilt your head slightly
• Raise one eyebrow in fake concern
• Whisper: "That's wild."
They'll feel heard. You'll feel hollow. Retail magic 💫
⸻
🧘 Step 2: Pretend Your Aura is a Wall
Customer:
"My son's wife left him. So now I come here for frozen peas and peace."
You:
"We're out of both, but I can offer store-brand silence."
When in doubt, hold up a random product and say:
"This candle helped me get through my third breakdown. Maybe it'll help you too."
⸻
📍 Step 3: When They Ask for a Discount Because "They're Going Through a Lot"
Response options:
• "Same."
• "Me too, but I still pay rent."
• "That'll be ₹499 plus emotional taxes."
Offer them a sticker that says "I Overshared at Checkout" and wish them peace ✌️
⸻
💬 Stories from the Retail Therapy Trenches:
"She cried while buying a mop. I said 'Life is messy' and gave her 5% off."
— Kabir, Checkout Monk
"I had to pretend I cared about a stranger's UTI while scanning adult diapers. I deserve an award."
— Meena, Emotionally Exhausted
⸻
🚨 End of Chapter Reminder:
This is satire, babe. Retail staff are not therapists—but they do deserve applause for absorbing generational trauma at ₹12/hour. Tip them in compliments and silence. 😇💼🧘♀️
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How to Handle Stupd Customers Without Committing a Crime (Spiritually Speaking)
Humor🛒💥 Namaste but I'm this close to snapping. This brutally honest, fake self-help book is for every retail warrior who has survived angry aunties, clueless uncles, and the customer who said, "This was cheaper yesterday." With chapters like "Smile Th...
