"She didn't come to shop. She came to emotionally wreck you... and maybe ask for a manager."
She appears in a puff of expired hairspray.
She walks fast, breathes loud, and has a loyalty card that hasn't been valid since 2012.
Her name? Probably Karen.
Your goal? Survive. With sarcasm and your job intact.
⸻
⚔️ Step 1: Spot the Karen Warning Signs
Symptoms may include:
• A haircut shaped like a threat
• Sunglasses indoors
• A purse filled with coupons, rage, and entitlement
• Says "I've been shopping here since before you were born" (you're 30)
When you hear "EXCUSE ME—" before hello, just know: it has begun.
⸻
🧘♀️ Step 2: Deflect With Fake Kindness
She yells:
"This is unacceptable!"
You respond:
"Thank you for bringing that strong energy today, ma'am."
Follow with:
"Would you like to speak to my manager, my spirit guide, or just scream into the void?"
Don't forget to nod slowly while you plan your dramatic resignation in your head.
⸻
🧾 Step 3: Channel Your Inner Customer Service Monk
Imagine this:
• Her coupon doesn't work
• She's shaking with fury
• You offer her... a mint
• Then softly say:
"Sometimes, peace comes when we stop expecting discounts from the universe."
Watch her glitch in real-time.
⸻
💬 Survivor Quotes from the Front Lines:
"She screamed at me for not returning her mascara. She said she didn't like the energy it gave her lashes."
— Nina, Enlightened at the Eyeliner Counter
"I told her I was the manager. She said I 'didn't look manager enough.' I aged 5 years in that moment."
— Rahul, Spiritually Promoted
⸻
🚨 End of Chapter Reminder:
This is satire, babe. If you've served even ONE Karen in your life, you're basically a spiritual warrior. Namaste and no refunds. 🧘♂️🛑🛍️
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Humor🛒💥 Namaste but I'm this close to snapping. This brutally honest, fake self-help book is for every retail warrior who has survived angry aunties, clueless uncles, and the customer who said, "This was cheaper yesterday." With chapters like "Smile Th...
