"You can't heal in the place you were verbally assaulted by someone demanding a ₹20 discount."
Congratulations, reader.
If you've picked up this book, it means you've survived:
• 300 fake "manager requests"
• 1,000 unsolicited life stories
• And at least 5 people who yelled, "It's cheaper on Amazon!"
You are now eligible for your Retail Survivor badge (non-refundable, obviously).
⸻
☕ Step 1: Learn to Smile Without Using Your Soul
When they say:
"Why is this not free?"
You say:
"Because it exists in reality." 😊
Your new smile technique:
• Teeth? Show 'em.
• Eyes? Dead inside.
• Voice? So soft it makes them question their volume.
Practice in front of a mirror until your reflection files a complaint.
⸻
🔥 Step 2: Prepare Emotionally for Coupon Combat
They'll pull out a coupon from 2003 and say:
"But it doesn't say it expired!"
You say:
"Neither did the dinosaurs. But here we are."
Bonus move:
Hold the expired coupon like it's sacred scroll, squint, and whisper:
"I feel like it wants to be let go."
Then fold it solemnly and throw it directly into the shredder.
⸻
📦 Step 3: Master the "Let Me Ask My Manager" Escape Plan
Translation: I'm going to the back to scream into the stockroom void.
Instead of asking anything, go backstage, eat a biscuit, look at your horoscope, and return with:
"I'm so sorry, we just ran out of logic."
⸻
💬 Real Quotes From Emotionally Damaged Employees:
"I once apologized for the weather. The sky was angry, and so was Brenda."
— Ritika, Call Centre Casualty
"A guy yelled 'I'm a lawyer!' so I handed him a stapler and said, 'Now you're a stationery expert too.'"
— Zayn, No Longer Employed
⸻
🚨 End of Chapter Reminder:
This is satire, babe. In real life, be kind... but also, know that retail warriors deserve hazard pay, emotional therapy, and free donuts. 🍩💼😇
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How to Handle Stupd Customers Without Committing a Crime (Spiritually Speaking)
Humor🛒💥 Namaste but I'm this close to snapping. This brutally honest, fake self-help book is for every retail warrior who has survived angry aunties, clueless uncles, and the customer who said, "This was cheaper yesterday." With chapters like "Smile Th...
